My dad's encouraging words for my first day back to school
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jittlewiggle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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Tweety words of encouragement
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zulfrum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Butt encouragement puns!

Hey guys! I need combinations of words for ass and words that mean something in the realm of β€œmaking someone happy”

Context: a friend of mine and I send each other selfies on the toilet and she’s having a shitty day (hah) so I bent over the toilet and stuck my ass in the air and took a picture like my ass was taking a selfie and now I need something punny yet encouraging to say

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HyenaKing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Words of encouragement from dad

Dad(singing):

You can do it

You can do it

You can pick your nose and chew it

(repeat for effect)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sexy_Offender
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
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Looks like October is...

Octover

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ericmc80
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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My daughter called me in a panic and asked, "Dad! My car just broke down! What should I do!?" I replied calmly...

"Whisper it some words of encouragement!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Si seΓ±or yo soy yo rancho ahhhhhhh
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebjasmeister
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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I'm going to name my son Violence.

If he's smart, I can tell my friends that Violence solves problems.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/micronerd01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
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A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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Looks like I'm ready for parenthood

I'm a part time clerk/grunt worker at my local supermarket. My shift consists of stacking up milk, butter, eggs, cream, anything that comes from an udder. So, to make my existence seem less monotonous, I'll often badger my coworkers with horrid puns. One day,one of them offered me these kind words of encouragement: "If you don't shut up, I'll shove my foot down your throat." My rebuttal: "Is that what people call sole food?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nunc-Est-Bibendum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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