At our PTA meeting, my son's teacher said he's the best she's ever seen at using Elmer's...

She said he's a glue-ru.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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What does Elmer Fudd say is the most dangewous dwink?

Whisky!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/groggyjava
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Elmer Fudd quit hunting and opened his own distillery

It was Whiskey business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nom_nom44
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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"Silly candy thieves!" shouted Elmer Fudd.

"Back to their old Twix!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bonanza86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
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How did the magician make a candy bar appear out of thin air?

He had a lot of Twix up his sleeve

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lancex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
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Told my girlfriend that I'm not pale.

I'm pasty. That's why she's stuck with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sklaf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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Sort of an edited repost?

Elmer Fudd is sitting around one day and realized he's not all that good at hunting, might as well take up a new hobby. Obviously he turns to magic/slight of hand. After a few months of practicing, his arms are COVERED in chocolate. Bugs comes up and asks him, "Say doc, what's with all the chocolate?" To which Elmer replies, "You know what they say, a good magician ALWAYS has a few Twix up his sweeves."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HIGHxCLASSxHOBO
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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A city slicker moves to the country with the idea to start a farm.

He can't afford to buy a whole herd of cows all at once, but he figures he can start small and work up. So he buys a dozen cows and two bulls. He puts the bulls in separate pastures, and splits the cows evenly, and waits. After a couple weeks, he realizes that most of the cows in one pasture are pregnant, but on the other side of the fence, nothing has been happening. He calls up his neighbor, Elmer, an old country feller who has been farming since he could walk. "See, there's your problem," the old man says, "That one's a bull, but the other's a steer." The city slicker says, "Well, I don't know what the difference is. Could you put it in terms I might understand better?" Elmer says, "Well..."

"One's regular and the other is de-calf."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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A horse walks into a bar...

the bartender looks at him and says "Hey.... why the long face?" The horse looks back at him and solemnly says "My uncle elmer died...". The bartender replies "I'm sorry for your loss..." the horse sighs and says "Yea...He really held the family together"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGnomecop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
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More driving with the fiancΓ©e...

"Is that an abandoned adhesive factory?"

"Looks like they didn't stick around long!"

Unlike most of my jokes, she laughed pretty hard and I was more than a little proud of myself.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Weigh stations

Every time I drive by a weigh station on a U.S. highway, the weigh station is closed and there are no trucks in sight.

Driving with my father and passing an empty weigh-station I asked him, "I wonder why I never see trucks getting weighed." He answered -- in an Elmer Fudd voice -- "Maybe because they're all ugwy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oozforashag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2014
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