I asked a Marine if he knew about Egyptian gods.

He said, β€œwho, ra?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What happens when the vehicle carrying most of the Egyptian gods breaks down?

They have to pull over and wait for Anubis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foxadelick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Egyptian food god
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farlaven
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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So the Egyptian god of the dead opened a bakery.

It was a new biz.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J-Debstup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
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The Egyptian sun god asked me why I go to work each morning. I told him it's primarily to pay off the loan I took out on dried grapes.

"It's my raisin debt, Ra."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mimicgogo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Looking For Some Awesome Puns!

If you guys could help out, I need some cool puns for a website I am making. They need to be Egyptian-based and on the topics of the Gods and Creation. Thanks Cokacolla2000

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cokacolla2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
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