A list of puns related to "Eat Some Food"
The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.
The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.
Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.
“We played with each other’s peas!” The little one chimes in.
Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.
“We gathered peas, he meant.” Added the middle boy.
“Okay, and what did you have for breakfast?”
“Pea soup.”
“Lunch?”
“Pea soup.”
The boys started sniggering.
“What’s so funny? And what about dinner?”
“Nothing dad. We had pea soup too.”
“Well, that doesn’t seem like much. What did you do all evening?”
Bursting out laughing, they all said:
“Pee soup.”
me looking through the menu: "I don't think I want any of the stuff on this page."
dad: "So you want naan of the above?"
me: "Ppbtch."
"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.
At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.
Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”
“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”
I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”
“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
... keep reading on reddit ➡Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.
The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, “I no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”
Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.
Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, “Let’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”
Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.
Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.
Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.
Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.
Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.
The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.
Scott said, “Little Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”
Pork Chop replied, “No way José! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”
Scott, undeterred by the reply says, “Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”
Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.
Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.
Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas
... keep reading on reddit ➡If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?
I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.
If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?
China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.
I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?
I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.
I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.
I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"
I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".
If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?
If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?
My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.
I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.
Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.
Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.
You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"
A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p
... keep reading on reddit ➡Need some pun help
Girl is a nurse who wants to try 27 spicy food places before you die. Not Tinder
My best so far:
You pepper believe that eating at all those places will turn you from nurse to fulltime patient. You don't even get atrophy when you're through
It's ehhhhh And seems insulting.
We were finishing dinner as my 2 year old ate some white rice. We are always trying to work nutritional foods into his diet.
My wife: "Think he'd eat brown rice?"
Me: "No. He's a rice-ist."
Driving to the store with my wife, we had this conversation.
Her: "We just have to get milk, eggs, and some other staple foods."
Me: "Maybe that's why your stomach is always hurting..."
Her: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Because you eat staples!"
Her: "Yeah, gotta keep my shit together somehow."
My 4 year old son started telling me he wants to eat by saying "I'm hungry but I'm not called that, I just want some food."
I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.
Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.
Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.
You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say “OLE!”
FORGET LOVE… I’
... keep reading on reddit ➡The topic is racism. My mom, sisters, and I are talking about how racism and stereotypes are not the same while my dad just quietly eats his food. We all give some examples of stereotypes for different cultures and how they might have come about. Then there is a break in the conversation.
A break for dad to casually throw in his two cents: "Many stereo types are from Japan."
I can imagine his thoughts before saying it. Oh, I've got one for this. Come on, set me up set me up . . . yes!
Good stuff, dad.
I have a scrawny, little, younger sister and we always have a seafood buffet for Christmas dinner.
Sister: "Hey, dad can you pass me the shrimp and I want some mussels too please?"
Dad: "Here's the shrimp, for mussels you're gonna have to go to a gym and do some exercising" [continues eating his food without ever passing the mussels]
Sister: "Hey, dad....."
Pops: "Hay is for horses, this is seafood."
This was especially funny due to the fact that he kept a poker face the entire time and never made eye contact with my sister, being completely serious and never cracking a smile. These exchanges happen at least 7X a day.
I had bought some food and put it away in the cupboards. My girlfriend's friends had come over and wanted to eat stuff.
I didn't want my girlfriend to mention we had a new jar of choc-hazelnut spread to be eaten.
I said "No! You must nutella them!"
Nobody smiled.
"Dad, I'm..." (pause)
"Dad, I would like to eat some food."
So last night we were at a carnival type thing and there was a food truck there called "town name Bite Me" where we ordered some pizza.
Anyway, I pretended I couldn't see the sign and asked her what it said. She just responded with "Bite me", so that is exactly what I did. I was awarded a couple of weird looks and a colossal eye roll.
Cut to this morning: I got up to find my better half talking to my mum. She was eating some leftover pizza while I walked up behind her, unnoticed. Mum asked where we got the pizza. Once again, she replied "bite me" so like a lion I went for the kill. I got dealt some swift justice for that one.
Wife: That's something I really want, a food processor!
Me: No. We already agreed to eat healthy in the new year.
Wife: What are you talking about? You can make some really healthy foods in a food processor.
Me: I refuse to continue to eat processed food.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
We went out to eat at a Cuban place and my mother had ordered some food with a side of tostones (a plantain dish). She complained that they had too much garlic to which I made a joke:
"Yeah, as soon as you bit into it, you tatsed the garlic and were like , '¡Ajo!'"
(¡Ajo! is a Spanish exclamatory similar to "ooooooh" or "oh my goodnes." It doesn't have a direct English equivalent but that's what it means. The Spanish word for garlic also happens to be ajo, so I made a pun playing off the dual meaning of the word. Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. )
The wife and I had her mother over whilst eating dinner, a la Taco Bell.
After trying some of our daughter's food, my wife insists that it is way spicier than she expected, and proceeds to tell my mother in law she has to try it - Saying "I think it's spicy nacho sauce."
After a moment or so, I piped up "I wouldn't know, it isn't my sauce." and put on my best I made a pun face.
MIL loses it, and my wife looks confused for a few seconds and goes to offer me a taste before the groaning ensued. Victory!
When checking out at the grocery store if toilet paper is one of the items purchased they will always ask the clerk: "Do you think this is enough toilet paper for this much food?"
When anyone is eating something spicy: "Better get some ice cream next, because in a few hours you're gonna be in the bathroom screaming COME ON ICE CREAM"
I was eating some left over casserole from earlier in the week.
>Me: "You want me to warm you up some?"
>Her: "No, I dont trust it. I'm waiting to see if you get sick before I eat it." (she got food poisoning from some bad chicken a few weeks ago)
>Me: "Fair choice, I don't work till monday so I have some time to work through it if it's bad."
>Her: "Yeah, I thought eating it might be a little hairy."
>Me: "There wasnt any hair growing yet, I checked"
>Her: "..."
"The look" she gave me was more satisfying than I expected.
At dinner before senior prom (not recent) my girlfriend and her friends and I were all talking about how excited were to eat because of how little food we had had earlier that day. I said that I only had two hotdogs, and one of her friends said that she only had some leftovers, to which my girlfriend replied, "Yeah, I only had half my Olive Garden... So like a lot of olives." I lost my shit.
Mom: I gave the dog some leftovers from last night. Did he eat that plate?
Dad: No. He ate all of the food but left the plate. screams HEY, EAT THAT PLATE.
My dad and I went out to eat some Mexican food.. and this is what he said towards the end of the meal when we wanted to bring a taco back home.
Dad: "It's nice that when I asked him to wrap the taco, he didn't say 'beatboxing noises it's a taco!'."
So a couple guys and I went out to the local sandwich shop the other day, and when I get my sandwich there's some small but noticeable mold on the bread. I go back in to let them know about it and they make me another sandwich. I've got two sandwiches now and figure a bit of mold won't kill me. But it's a lot of food so I give half to my friend.
Then I say, "Hey, I just ate half my sandwich, and I've still got a whole one."
So my friend replies, "Well, I guess you can half your sandwich and eat it, too!"
Mom: The cat killed a mole today, it looked like she was eating its head! Dad: Well everyone calls her stupid, maybe she was looking for some "brain food".
Nice one dad.
Watching some intense mobster movie with my dad: Two guys come in with shotguns and unload about 10 shots into the don while he's eating really fancy food and drinking wine. Dad looks over. "They'll never get the wine out of that shirt."
My boss was setting up a teleconference between our home office and our branch office in Washington D.C. I wasn't attending this meeting, but was outside the room getting some coffee when he came out. We made some small talk and he said he was waiting on everyone in the D.C. office to finish eating before he headed back into the room. This was my moment to shine:
Me: "Oh, were they eating conifers?"
Boss (slightly confused) "No"
Me: "You're right. They probably eat D.Ciduous food out there"
Too good not to share.
My family was all eating spaghetti around the kitchen table one night when my Dad just started chuckling out of nowhere, spaghetti sauce falling down his shirt. His laughs quickly got louder and more food began to fall out of his mouth. Everyone immediately knew what was up.
"So...haha, so what do you get when you cross a cat with some fireworks?"
We blankly stare back. "What?"
"Kitty Kitty Bang Bang!"
He then just stared at us all laughing, tears in his eyes. My mom got up and left the room.
We're eating breakfast at a restaurant and I ordered a crepe with a chocolate sauce. As I'm eating, some sauce drops just below lower lip. My dad points this out and asks what it would be called, because if I had it on my upper lip it would becalled a chocolate mustache. We both agreed it wasn't really a chocolate goatee and eventually switched topics. When I finish my food, I wipe my face and ask if it's good. He immediately replies with "ya, now it's a real goatee"
Eating Indian food with the family.
Brother: "we should get some papadam."
Me: "why don't we get some mamadam?"
Everyone: "uugh"
I was proud.
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