Does Heaven turn out the lights and pretends nobody's home ?
It goes into riga-tortoise
The cementary.
Everywhere.
Jane Spencer: Goodyear? Frank: No, the worst. (Courtesy of Naked Gun)
You'll be mist
I said, "Ok, boomer."
The eyes, because they dilate.
Ballhalla
That’s a lot of pressure.
...does it get an orbituary?
They still show up for work one last time.
He pasta away
Gives a new meaning to "busting a nut"
Is it still a living room?
It's his vinyl request
Charles becomes the King formerly known as Prince.
Insecticide
Made in China
It's so i-khan-ic.
...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.
Devil: Why are you so sad?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.
Guy: Golly!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?
Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.
Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!
Devil: You gay?
Guy: No.
Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays
. . . Get it? 20 sick sheep.
Told to me by my 10 year old daughter. She's going to make a great dad one day.l
The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says “I know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist “How did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says “Oh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”
or man’s laughter?
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.
They’ll lower the coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.
Order an auto-topsy
"Mother?"
...
"Mother?"
He had a narrow S cape.
He will be rolling in his grave.
It's the eyes, because they can die-late!
Your pupils, they dilate.
Your pupils! They dilate.
He will be rolling in his grave.
