Remember, heralds don't pun; they cant.
Why don't dinosaurs make good pets?
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to “Don’t Stop Believing”.
It was an unexpected Journey.
Yes don't forget to take it.
For those who don’t know what a power plant is
Don’t by anything made with Velcro.
I don't mean to brag..
but cashier's are always checking me out.
I don't trust stairs.
They are always up to something.
Pandas don't get confused.
I don't think it's any faster
If at first you don't succeed..
.. skydiving is not for you
A lumberjack was just about to chop down a tree when, miraculously, the tree said, "don't chop me down! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack stepped back and said, "really? well, you'll die a log."
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
Don't use raw milk to make butter
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
Don't you dare CONSOLE my family
My wife and I have decided that we don't want children
And if anyone does we can drop them off at the weekend
You see a boat filled with people, but when you look closer you don't find a single person in it. Why?
Because everyone is married.
Don’t you just hate people that answer their own question?
They just don’t taste right!
My dad always told me “don’t be quick to find faults”.
Good man, terrible geologist.
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
Don’t make an origami belt.
I received all kinds of spices for my birthday, but I don't cook. I think...
Don’t drink with a blacksmith’s wife.
You’re liable to get hammered.
I don't understand why sailors used to get scurvy all the time, I mean...
They had plenty of vitamin sea.
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
Why don’t ants get sick?
They have little anty bodies
(Courtesy of my fellow dad LT)
Boxers don’t have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is?
They don't fancy each other.
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees
because they are really good at it.
I saw a dude’s truck that said Master Baitor on it one time now I don’t fish but I want that
We don’t have any vegetable jokes on this Subreddit yet...
So if you do, lettuce know.
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because they’re full of anty bodies
Sometimes I use big words I don’t fully understand.
It makes me sound more photosynthesis.
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
I still don't have a gig :(
https://preview.redd.it/tk1v0lp7h1o61.jpg?width=505&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=530120c95be4cb518e38750c9bec9a38d1d07d6a
Why don't people play poker in the jungle
There's too many cheetahs
79% of people don't know opposite words for the following.
- Always
- Coming
- From
- Take
- Me
- Down
Don't go to fast foods in America they are scamming us.
My kids meal didn't include any kids.
April Fools Jokes don’t get any big laughs in Hawaii.
They only get a low ‘Ha’.
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...he’s really a big lyre.
I really don't like good elevators.
I tell dad jokes but I don't have any kids.
I don’t mean to brag...
but cashiers are always checking me out
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