Doled Puns

I'm a kitchen hand, and we take these big containers the chefs fill with dirty pans etc to clean the contents. These containers are called warwicks (pronounced "WORRICK").

I took one of these warwicks, and the chef next to me thanked me. As a response to his thank you, I just said "hey mate, no warwicks!"

Chef turned to look at me in disappointment, and almost dropped a pan of garlic prawns.

Should have cooked it on aloha heat.

The only thing is none of them work

It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.

It was bananas.

I Doled it out.

It's called being on the dole.

Diapers come in sizes that are rated according to the baby's weight i.e. "up to 12 lbs". Every time my dad (grandpa to my kids) sees a pack of diapers he says " I don't think they'll hold that much ". Every. Single. Time.

We were at Disney marveling at the amount of pineapple sorbet they serve you (for $5, that is) when I said:

"Man, they just Dole it out, don't they?"

My brother just stared at me.

Everybody was sitting quietly at the breakfast table this morning and my dad decided to break the silence with this.

Dad: This orange juice tastes funny...

Mom: What does it taste like?

Dad: I don't know, but it has a dole flavor.