What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 04 2020
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
π︎ 13k
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︎ Dec 05 2020
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
π︎ 15k
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︎ Dec 05 2020
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Dec 01 2020
You do realise that Vampires aren't real...
Unless you Count Dracula.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 02 2020
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
Iβll see myself out...
π︎ 10k
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︎ Dec 01 2020
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
π︎ 592
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?
π︎ 16k
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
π︎ 12k
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
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︎ Jan 11 2021
My wife said, βYou really have no sense of direction, do you?β
I said, βWhere did that come from?β
Edit: Thanks for the love. Iβm right speechless.
π︎ 18k
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︎ Nov 10 2020
What do you call a hippies wife?
π︎ 658
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︎ Jan 08 2021
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Nov 10 2020
What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
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︎ Jan 09 2021
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
π︎ 596
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
π︎ 15k
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What do you call a blind Nazi?
π︎ 28
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︎ Jan 11 2021
How many swords do you have?
π︎ 126
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︎ Jan 06 2021
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef.
(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)
π︎ 95
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︎ Jan 03 2021
How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?
π︎ 220
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︎ Jan 03 2021
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
Theyβre all girls, otherwise theyβd be uncles!
π︎ 132
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Do you know what the leading cause of dry skin is ?
π︎ 194
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︎ Jan 02 2021
How do you make a water bed bouncier?
π︎ 109
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
π︎ 21
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︎ Jan 01 2021
How do you turn six into nine?
π︎ 532
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Do you know what happened to Jack Ma after he criticized the Chinese Government?
π︎ 92
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︎ Jan 09 2021
What do you call a cold hooker?
π︎ 66
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︎ Jan 06 2021
How do you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?
One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you get when you combine a porcupine and a turtle?
A slowpoke!
*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here
π︎ 11k
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︎ Oct 10 2020
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem
π︎ 80
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia
Edit: wow! I never expected this to reach such great heights..... Thank you for the awards, kind redditors.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Oct 06 2020
What do you call a duck that steals?
π︎ 104
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
π︎ 17k
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︎ Sep 15 2020
What do call an animal that knows if you're lying?
π︎ 222
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︎ Dec 25 2020
What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 06 2021
My friend said, βMy kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?β
Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
How do you steal a sweater?
π︎ 98
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︎ Dec 26 2020
What do you call a bear with no ear?
π︎ 90
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call a corpse on a boat?
π︎ 25
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Oct 25 2020
What do you call a triangle thats had too much to drink?
π︎ 22
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out
π︎ 8k
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︎ Oct 13 2020
What do you get when you cross a pit bull and a computer?
Not sure !! But when it megabytes, it megahertz.
π︎ 48
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︎ Jan 03 2021
What do you call a dear with no eyes
No eye dear
What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs
Still no eye dear
What do you call a dear with no eyes or legs cut in half
Still half no eye dear
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you call the art of seducing Cthulhu?
π︎ 31
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︎ Jan 09 2021
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Elephino π€·π»ββοΈ
π︎ 24
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︎ Jan 02 2021
What do you call 2 guys tied up and stuck in a window?
π︎ 148
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︎ Dec 05 2020
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