Dian Xin Puns

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

After migrating from my main account, due to Porn of Disney's Frozen popped up whilst showing my father a picture of a ZF 15202, of which I've soon to own. I decided to make my first post on this new account. As a Chinese/ English speaking Singaporean, that is nearly incapable of speaking advanced level Chinese. I'd love to share some words and phrases we all could use to greet our TDs (not all) in their own native languages.

I mean, having those noobs spamming you about "Helo HON, plis do u hab de OMEHGA plkis?" on a daily basis, must be really frustrating. I thought it would be nice if we greeted them in Chinese once in awhile. So here are some phrases that you can use.

###WARNING MY CHINESE ISN'T AMAZING, DO CORRECT ME IF I MAKE A MISTAKE

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#Greetings

你好 (ni hao) - "Greetings" or "Hello"

早安 (zao an) - "Good Morning"

早上好 (zao shang hao) - "Good Morning"

午安 (wu an) - "Good Afternoon"

晚上好 (wan shang hao) - "Good Evening"

晚安 (wan an) - "Good Night" (Used more as a goodbye or like, when we go to sleep kinda thing by my family)

#Positive Words

真棒！ (zhen bang) - "Great Job" or "Great!"

做得好 (zuo de hao) - "Well Done" or "Job Well Done"

超级！ (chao ji) - "Super!" （Can be used with "好", as "超级好" or, "帮", as "超级棒")

社会信用体系加一万分！ (she hui xin yong ti xi jia yi wan fen) - "+10000 Social Credits" (Don't actually use this)

太好了！ (tai hao le) - "Amazing!" or "Awesome!" or "Great! : with more enthusiasm"

我爱你 (wo ai ni) - "I Love You!" (Don't know what kind of relationship you have with Eric or Hont, but whatever floats your boat man)

#Random

HONT有没有卖欧米茄？ (HONT you mei you mai ou mi jia?) - "Hont, do you sell Omega?"

哪一支劳力士复刻表是最好的？ (na yi ge lao li shi shi fu ke biao she zui hao de?) = "Which is the best Rolex Replica?"

能快一点吗？ (neng kuai yi dian ma?) - "Can you be a little quicker?"

#Negative Words

他妈的！ (ta ma de!) - "Damn it! : more vulgar" or "Fuck!" (curse word references mother but usually doesn't insult mother)

操你妈！ (cao ni ma!) - "Fuck your Mother!" (Mainland China Students like to use this, found out on an exchange trip there)

操你祖宗十八代！ (cao ni zu zong shi ba dai) - "Fuck your Ancestors to the 18th Generation!" (not commonly used anymore, adds onto the rudeness)

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Thank you for taking your time to read this, please be kind to all our Trusted Dealers, most of them are nice people, even if they have bad QC and response times (lol). Also, I don't know what flair to use, its kind of a shitpost, but eh?

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Bob

Nothing, it just waved

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

Why

I was just sitting there doing nothing.

“BOOM”?!

"That's what they're fighting about."

free

Because his Visa didn’t work.

Because the audience only responds in a low ha