Need help with baby names

So, one of my best friend's and his wife are having their first child. My friend despises puns, so of course I send them to him all the time. So I want to start sending him baby name ideas that are all puns. They don't know the gender yet, so boy, girl, and neutral name ideas would all be great. Their last name is "Paris".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slackgir
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2021
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Name for an etsy store

My friends name is Paige. She asked me to help with names for her etsy store to sell paintings, crochet stuff, alcohol ink things, and pottery. Paige despises puns. Please help me with some good pun names for her shop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slackgir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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I despise everyone who has ever talked about me when I'm not around.

They discussed me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13thmurder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2022
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I despise stuck-up bodies of water.

Get over yourself, Lake Superior!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bizzaromatt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2021
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There was an inventor in the late 1800s who despised bells, he designed a device that would eliminate every bell in the world.

He was later awarded the Nobel prize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/max69well
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Super Mario is Japanese, so technically his last name is Mario.

His first name is Itsumi, making him Itsumi Mario

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2022
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Initially, I despised sheltering in place, but now I love it!

I think it’s Stuck-home Syndrome

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
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There was a man who despised negative numbers...

He’ll stop at NOTHING to avoid them!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Which is the music instrument that Samurai Jack despises the most?

The Akustic Guitar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xoriatis71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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What mathematical operation do the French despise?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/octalgon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What's an epileptic's most despised appetizer?

Seizure salad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marimochan96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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The only type of art that people despised

Fart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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What was the beverage Hitler despised the most?

Juice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Streaplerz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2013
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My wife despises a certain condiment

I asked if she had ever heard of the local horse impersonator? That man neighs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmeanmustid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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Moth

The moth drops down into the nearest chair and says β€œWhat’s the problem?”

Moth says β€œI don’t even know where to start. First of all, my boss is a vicious tyrant who gets off on the petty torments he puts me through day in and day out, and I’m too spineless to stand up to him, so I just take it and I’ve gradually come to hate myself for it. Also, every morning I wake up to the same prune-face old crone to whom I pledged my vows so many years ago. I used to love her, but that love has become like some sun-festering beached whale trying to die. We lost our daughter last year to one of the bitterest, coldest winters we’ve ever had to face in this region. Isn’t it funny, doc, how all the prayer circles and charity drives in the world amount to pretty much nothing in the face of that cold, impartial face of winter, that bleak, pounding, harsh fist of a callous environment, carrying on with its machinations without regard to our lives, loves, hopes and dreams? Isn’t that hysterical, Doc? Oh and then there’s my son. Doc, I don’t love him anymore. I don’t know what it is but I look in his eyes and I see that same harried look of gutless cowardice that I see when I stare at my own face in the mirror. If I wasn’t such a coward, Doc, I know I’d be able to scrape together enough pride to grab that cocked and loaded shotgun I keep by the bedside table, and just run amok and put an end to this grim facade once and for all. I start with the wife, then the boy of course before putting the barrell in my own mouth. Believe you me, Doc, I’d be doing the world a favor. I have nothing to look forward to but a continuation of this spiraling black hole that is my life, this existential cesspool that is the perpetuation of my lingering skid-mark on society. I despise people yet I crave their approval. I’m judgemental yet I care about nothing. I’m bitter, hateful and afraid. I’m alive yet I feel like the walking dead. This is it, Doc: I am a living, breathing, disease.”
The doctor stares at him for a while then finally says β€œJeez, Moth, you definitely have some problems. But I’m a podiatrist. You need a psychiatrist. Why’d you come in here?”
The moth says,”Your light was on.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyahzar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2022
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At work I reduce the spice level in food.

I despise it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/profusly
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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Internet Puns

A great bundle of Internet puns; enjoy!

You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.


You can answer the question β€˜is the internet broken’ without laughing.


You can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.


You can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It β€˜just isn’t running right’ actually makes sense.


You maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.


You know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they’ve done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.


You know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.


I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it β€œBang”. I mean, think about it.. β€œI BANGED Emma Watson last night.”


The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI…


On the Internet you can be anything you want. It’s so strange that many people choose to be stupid.


Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile…


Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter. When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google can’t find him.


A press release: β€œYesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence.”


Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting β€œLive life full”. That’s just 3 random words. I’m going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.


Facebook: β€œMy kids are perfect.” Instagram: β€œMy kids are beautiful.” Twitter: β€œMy kids are why I drink.”


The facts on this website are Chuck Norris’ smallest acheivements. If you knew what he was really capable of, you would never sleep at night.


Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you’ll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!


What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? An URLologist.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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You know what I hate?

How Formula 1 aficionados despise anyone who mispronounce the name for the series of races that they have. They are such Prix about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fart2125
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2015
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