Deafen Puns

Last night during a pretty aggressive thunderstorm, a huge lightening strike, along with an incredibly deafening thunder clap happened right next to our house. It was about 11pm and Susan was snuggled up to her Mother next to me in our bed. After a few seconds of Lori saying something soothing to our 9 year old she was holding, saying something like 'its ok, its just a little storm, we are safe...', I call out to our older 12 year old in her room just next door.

"Sarah!?" I called to her, in my normal tone to get her attention.

"Yeah? What?" She responded.

"Was that you?" I called back.

After a long pause Sarah replied "No Dad. That was thunder!"

I could not stop laughing.

The first says: “Windy isn’t it?”

The second says: “Wednesday? Isn’t it Thursday?”

The third says: “Thirsty? Let’s order some drinks!”

You had to yell when you spoke to him; he was hard of herring.

They say that he would be missing today's hearing.

(Technically I haven't heard any joke before, but...)

I was telling my dad about tactile sign, which is what deafblind people use to communicate. It is like signing condensed ASL with someone's hands on yours, and it is what I plan on specializing in when I am a Certified Deaf Interpreter. He brought up Helen Keller and the conversation went as follows.

Dad: "But how many people can really do that? How many people could really communicate with Helen Keller?"

Me: "Well-"

Dad: "PROBABLY JUST A HANDFUL!"

I'm borderline convinced he deafened me as an infant in hopes that someday the set up for this joke would present itself.

Right after a large chicken dinner, my wife and I were sitting on the couch letting everything digest. A little flirting commenced, but we knew it wasn't going anywhere immediately b/c we were stuffed.

Wife: maybe a little later. Me: oh, is there a 2 hour wait between chicken and pork?

The groan was deafening. I regret nothing.

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My father in law hurt his foot last week. We asked him if it has healed yet.

"Oh, it is 'healed', but it is not well, yet"

The groans in the room were deafening.

Friend 1: yeah, I used to cure my own meat Friend 2: oh no! What was it sick from?

deafening silence except for me spitting out my bread

Co-workers were talking about going to a beer tasting this weekend. Here is how the conversation unfolded.

Coworker 1: They are show casing pale ales this time.

Coworker 2: When is their ales and stouts tasting?

CW1: Oh it was last weekend.

CW2: Damn, a stout sounds so good right now.

Me: Man, sounds like you really miss-stout.

Deafening silence.

Dad: "There are 2 guys on a boat: Pete and RePete. Pete falls into the water, who's left on the boat?"

Young me: "RePete"

Dad: "There are 2 guys on a boat: Pete and RePete. Pete falls into the water, who's left on the boat?"

Young me: "RePete"

rePete until groans become deafening

spills water down myself when drinking

Me: “Sorry, I have a drinking problem”

Her: “Hahahaha”

forget her dad has drinking problem

Me: “That is such a dad joke”

silence is deafening

I'm a dad, so this counts right?

Some coworkers were discussing outlet malls when I piped up, "I don't know why people make such a big deal about them. I think Home Depot has the best price on outlets."

The eyerolls were deafening.