A daring pun train.

A soldier drags a power cable across a battlefield. He is leading the charge.

A stray bullet breaks the cable and the soldier gets electrocuted. He was shell shocked.

The soldier starts flailing, hitting another soldier. He was charged with assault.

The charge jumps to Soldier 2 on contact. It became assault and battery.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWinterPrince52
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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How dare they make someone else clean that up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Don't you dare CONSOLE my family
πŸ‘︎ 293
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nis_sama
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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Don't you dare hit that drum again!

If you do, there will be repercussions!

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gromitzy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I dare you
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenwings8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Dare to date.
πŸ‘︎ 244
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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What do you call it when you go to an amateur dentist?

Tooth or Dare

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is Greta Thornburg like an island off the east African coast?

She’s Mad at gas cars.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ktbrown1
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife dared doubt my craftsmanship when I was changing over the light switch.

Haha, she's in for a shock

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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If anyone dares to make fun of Satan's hairpiece

there will be Hell Toupee

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Hey! Don't you dare steal...

McAfee!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonEf_Adam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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What's it gonna leave, Ethan? HUH? Say it. I DARE you.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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I dared to ask my wife why she is ordering a giant tub of Whiteout from Amazon.

Big mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
a friend of mine dared me to steal some kitchen supplies

but that just wasn't a whisk I was willing to take

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zayyded
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What starts with a W and ends with a T.

It does, I swear.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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2 bananas shopping in Walmart; first banana says β€˜I dare you to shoplift that ham’

Second banana says β€˜no way, I’m not doing that!’ First banana says β€˜why? You yellow?’

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A salutary lesson. Posted to r/jokes, probably more Dad-like

Certain related tribes in sub-Saharan Africa often raided each other's villages when most folk were herding animals. Sometimes they would take vegetables and water, but more often taking little things, to gently mock each other. It was all in good fun. After a successful raid, the "winning" tribe would celebrate by dancing under the stars, or in one of their large, grass-covered spirit houses.

One day, the Imaqi took their Satari shaman's sceptre. The following day, the Satari not only stole the sceptre back, but also the Imaqi chief's regalia.

It went back and forth, until, on a rare and daring escapade, three Imaqi warriors stole the Santari chief's throne. They put it on display, above their chief's throne in the spirit house.

The Imaqi thought that this was hilarious, and as it was beginning to rain, made merry and danced in the spirit house. Suddenly, the heavy throne on display fell down and killed a number of the dancing revelers.

The moral should be obvious: those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_jq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Go ahead and storm if you dare.
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A man threatend me with milk, chocolate and cheese

how dairy (dare he)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdWide6476
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œHow dare you disobey your mother!”

a father yells at his daughter. β€œDo you think you’re better than I am or something?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nihilman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor drank so much gravy on a Thanksgiving Day dare that he choked to death.

He went from the ladle to the grave.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How dare he
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PapaGynther
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Don't you dare
πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilliCherry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I read the word "daring" in a thick font.

I thought, "That's bold."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You dare pet me? Fine, owl allow it.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deriv3d
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the occupation that has the most likely hood of putting people in the hospital?

A paramedic

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sknabnotloc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I dare you to copypasta this

https://preview.redd.it/v9ahctqgows21.png?width=960&format=png&auto=webp&s=5dba55d8dca11ae9e702fc109495334efec5b881

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arpan8
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I dared a guy to fill up his piggy bank with one penny every year for one hundred years.

He said he wouldn’t do it.

Cause it would take a cent-ury.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x3astu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I dare you to to say it three times
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oddlee_enough
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Son: mom, dad, I’m gay

Me: clenches fist

Wife: don’t you dare

Me: face turns red

Wife: ........

Me: hi Gay, I’m dad.

πŸ‘︎ 847
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading a piece of fan fiction about a girl so beautiful, all the heroes wanted to make her their wife, yet so powerful, no villain dared fighting her. They rather sought legal action against her.

Had to lay it down, I can't stand these marry/sue charakters.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clotting_Agent
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Nose-Ring Dare
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DededEch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call an ant that has been shunned by his community?

Socially dissed ant

Courtesy of my dad

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sports_are_pain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A young man steals his neighbors prized steer on a dare but is caught and is arrested by the police.

He is taken to the police station and handcuffed to a table and left alone. A while later his father arrives at the station and sits down across from him and says,
β€œCow could you?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrAvatar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get an inflatable man to do something daring?

Pump him up.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Forget-This
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend dared me to put my cows on the top of the Burj Khalifa.

The stakes have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComicSerifPro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Threw up
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My idiot friend ate a bunch of confetti on a dare.

Later he turned out to be a party pooper.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner

Bride: How come you never help with the dinner

Frankenstein: I did

Bride: How?

Frankenstein: I did the mash...

Bride: Don't you dare

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moodsta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My whole family mocked me when my French bakery went bankrupt

How dare they laugh at my pain.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/euratowel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was dared to eat moldy bread

He ate the whole thing! Man, He's such a fungi

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Your_Smiling
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
🚨︎ report
I dared to ask my wife why she’s buying a giant tub of Whiteout.

Big mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 260
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I dared to ask my wife why she’s buying a giant tub of Whiteout.

Big mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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