Cws Puns

I: You gonna go get your free flu shot?

CW: I don't like shots.

I: I'm sure if you asked, they'd make you a flu mixed drink.

CW: ??

I: You know, like a Flu and Coke.

CW: haha

I: Or a Fludriver.

https://i.imgur.com/cwXKD.jpg

I was at work today speaking with a few of my coworkers when we start talking about lunch. Two of my coworkers start talking about fast food restaurants they like going to when:

CW: I try not to eat fast food, but I really can’t help myself sometimes!

Me: I try to eat the slowest food possible, which is why I exclusively eat Tortoises.

CW: Well, all of—

It took them a couple seconds, but when they all looked at me with that “oh my gosh, you said what?” look, it made it all worth it.

CW 1: we need 11, I have 4 right here, so we just need to make a few more

Me: So we got about a third of what we need

CW 2: Quit it with the fractions DarkStrobeLight

Me: do I half to? (Laughing maniacally)

CW 1: it's too early for this shit

Walking into work together today.

CW: Man, feels like I have something in my shoe.

Hero of the Universe: I'm guessing it's your foot?

So at work my co-worker was pushing a shopping cart full of old, Dusty fans.

Me: You must be really popular!

CW: Why?

Me: Because you have a lot of fans!

She skipped the eye roll and went right to a death stare.

My girlfriend works at a Veterinary clinic and was talking to her co-worker about her cat, which she had boarded at the clinic the night before.

Their conversation goes as follows:

CW- I'm pretty sure your cat hates me... GF- nah, she's just grumpy sometime CW- I'm pretty sure she does, she kept hissing at me when I'd go by her cage Gf- oh trust me, she just likes throwing hissy-fits CW- walks away

Me: Oh, It's International Joke Day!

CW: I have a joke, but I don't think it will go down well

Me: Do any of your jokes ever go down well?

CW: Well, my TV joke normally gets a good reception.

I'm finishing up at the urinal and walking to wash my hands as my co worker walks in.

Me: Wassup Sir CW: Wassup, I hear this is where all the dicks hang out. Me: Groans...

We're in an air conditioned room and she's complaining that the AC air flow is directed at her.

CW [upset]: We need to get this AC to swing.

Me: Maybe dancing isn't its thing have you thought of that?

Other colleagues: pause, then that gratifying look of I hate you

Me: dadgrin

So he says to me: "My car got SON damage!"

Cheered me right up.

I was mumbling to myself about what I was going to need for this job we were going to do while standing next to my co-worker.

> CW: "What!? Speak up Brother!"

> Me: "My bad, I was just thinking out loud"

> CW: "I wouldn't say loud, I could barely hear you"

> Me: "Yeah, I guess I was thinking out quiet"

Groans were had

We were hooking a trailer up to our truck. The trailer is old and gives us a lot of grief. Since it was warmer out today it wasn't frozen to it was fairly easy to attach.

CW: "Well, that went off without a hitch!"

Me: "No there's a hitch, right there!" (as i pointed at the truck's hitch)