Got my co-worker at a hotel restaurant.

I: You gonna go get your free flu shot?

CW: I don't like shots.

I: I'm sure if you asked, they'd make you a flu mixed drink.

CW: ??

I: You know, like a Flu and Coke.

CW: haha

I: Or a Fludriver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nemo_sum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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Dad had me dying 3 years ago

https://i.imgur.com/cwXKD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dfawlt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
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Fast Food at Work

I was at work today speaking with a few of my coworkers when we start talking about lunch. Two of my coworkers start talking about fast food restaurants they like going to when:

CW: I try not to eat fast food, but I really can’t help myself sometimes!

Me: I try to eat the slowest food possible, which is why I exclusively eat Tortoises.

CW: Well, all ofβ€”

It took them a couple seconds, but when they all looked at me with that β€œoh my gosh, you said what?” look, it made it all worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatisus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Got my co-workers today

CW 1: we need 11, I have 4 right here, so we just need to make a few more

Me: So we got about a third of what we need

CW 2: Quit it with the fractions DarkStrobeLight

Me: do I half to? (Laughing maniacally)

CW 1: it's too early for this shit

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkStrobeLight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2016
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Best way to make your co-worker hate you:

Walking into work together today.

CW: Man, feels like I have something in my shoe.

Hero of the Universe: I'm guessing it's your foot?

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/margraves
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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Got my co-worker today...

So at work my co-worker was pushing a shopping cart full of old, Dusty fans.

Me: You must be really popular!

CW: Why?

Me: Because you have a lot of fans!

She skipped the eye roll and went right to a death stare.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksweetz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2015
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My girlfriend will be a better dad than I

My girlfriend works at a Veterinary clinic and was talking to her co-worker about her cat, which she had boarded at the clinic the night before.

Their conversation goes as follows:

CW- I'm pretty sure your cat hates me... GF- nah, she's just grumpy sometime CW- I'm pretty sure she does, she kept hissing at me when I'd go by her cage Gf- oh trust me, she just likes throwing hissy-fits CW- walks away

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2016
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Co-worker got me with nice execution...

Me: Oh, It's International Joke Day!

CW: I have a joke, but I don't think it will go down well

Me: Do any of your jokes ever go down well?

CW: Well, my TV joke normally gets a good reception.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaseyJay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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Dad joked while in the restroom.

I'm finishing up at the urinal and walking to wash my hands as my co worker walks in.

Me: Wassup Sir CW: Wassup, I hear this is where all the dicks hang out. Me: Groans...

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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I got my coworker today

We're in an air conditioned room and she's complaining that the AC air flow is directed at her.

CW [upset]: We need to get this AC to swing.

Me: Maybe dancing isn't its thing have you thought of that?

Other colleagues: pause, then that gratifying look of I hate you

Me: dadgrin

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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I goofed up and scratched my dad's car :(

So he says to me: "My car got SON damage!"

Cheered me right up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LOTR_Hobbit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2015
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Pulled a fast one on my co-worker

I was mumbling to myself about what I was going to need for this job we were going to do while standing next to my co-worker.

> CW: "What!? Speak up Brother!"

> Me: "My bad, I was just thinking out loud"

> CW: "I wouldn't say loud, I could barely hear you"

> Me: "Yeah, I guess I was thinking out quiet"

Groans were had

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Revenant527
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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Dad joked my co-worker today.

We were hooking a trailer up to our truck. The trailer is old and gives us a lot of grief. Since it was warmer out today it wasn't frozen to it was fairly easy to attach.

CW: "Well, that went off without a hitch!"

Me: "No there's a hitch, right there!" (as i pointed at the truck's hitch)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nightwing3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2014
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