What do you call a corpse on a boat?

Dead weight!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What do you call the corpse of an unidentified baker?

John Dough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/erebus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I will have a very comfortable corpse bed when I die

It will be memory foam

I have strong memories

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForbiddnSnacc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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I surprised my friend as she was trying to steal another spine from a corpse...

She was takin' a back when taken aback!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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What did the mama strawberry say when she saw the mutilated corpses of her children?

β€œThat’s my jam”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terfsfugoff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Of corpse they will
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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Are zombies real?

Of corpse they are.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Of corpse
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MysticaIMemes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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You know those birds and lizards that eat the decaying corpses of other animals?

Sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LthlPnc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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What did the unsure corpse say?

I.D.K.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rayj36
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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What do you call the carrot on a snowman’s corpse?

No-body nose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/apk5005
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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Why are corpses always naked

They have deady issues

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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If a walking corpse is referred to as a zombie, then what would you call a running one?

A Zoombie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semi-time7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I don't know why you missed getting a free corpse at the cemetery.

The sign was a dead giveaway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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What's the most popular event at autopsy club?

Open Mike night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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I was surprised to run into Hitler's corpse yesterday

Yeah, I dead Nazi that coming at all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaellasalle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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what happened to the corpse after 10 years

it decade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nuuuuuuuuuu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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What do you call a mattress made out of corpses?

A deathbed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JRiegner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Are you supposed to pull over for a funeral procession?

Of corpse, please come to a dead stop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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So the morgue nearby claims to have the best facilities to take care of corpses after they're dead...

They must be right, as everybody is dying to get there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZSSDistortion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2016
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Why did the weightlifter go to the morgue to get a corpse?

His specialty was the dead lift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cruzinspeed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
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A man was arrested for handing out corpses on the street...

talk about a dead giveaway!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisIsBanned
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
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Remains to be seen!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aska11415
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Being undead only sometimes sucks.

I wondered why zombies, ghouls, and vampires are so closely associated. After all, why would decaying shambling corpses be associated with the suave Dracula-esque? then it hit me:

Most vampires are necromancers, but not all necromancers are vampires.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ojiji_bored
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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Think of their slogan!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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How do Zombies serve their country?

They join the Marine Corpse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daxdax_Universe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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What do you call a person who doesn’t have a body or nose?

No body nose!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roiroiroiyourboat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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Puns are dead

I never really liked Jim in the first place. But then I found out he was a necrophiliac, that was the final nail in the coffin for me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iFuJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2013
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Ghosts aren’t real: when you die you’re not incorporeal...

... but in corpse for real.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theknightwho
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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When a soldier dies

do they become part of the marine corpse?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diego_godean
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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Dad Joked in Dragon Age

My character and his companions are walking around a dwarven ruin when a conversation occurs between two of them that goes something like this:

"You hadn't written me since the day that explosion happened! If you had died in that I would've come and dug up your corpse just to kick your ass."

The NPC in question says "what would you have done if I had been cremated?"

"I would have kicked your ash"

No groans from the other NPCs occurred but mine was certainly audible from my room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cooley327
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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Got my coworker with this one today

We were cleaning up the office and came across the corpse of a daddy longlegs spider.

She said "aww, a daddy longlegs!"
I replied "looks more like a dead-y longlegs to me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitefalconiv
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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"Why did they bury them?"

Today over supper, we were talking about a cemetery nearby which was recently discovered to contain centuries-old tombstones buried along with the corpses underground. I found this to be strange since typically the tombstones are above ground. During the conversation, this happened:

Me: "Why did they bury them?"

Dad: "Because they were dead!"

... the tombstones dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BananApocalypse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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