Congestive Puns

I told him to join the army as a phlegmthrower

And then I blew it.

The ancient Greek port city of Tempus was an outlet for international trade and rivaled Constantinople in it's heydays for commerce. City officials were warned by port authority to leave things as they were, but they were driven by profit and, against all counsel otherwise, added a second port to the tiny wharf. In it's first week of operation, the congestion caused from the extra traffic of the second dock resulted in absolute chaos, including a trade galleon being accidentally unmoored and set adrift without crew, and several panicked sailors and dockworkers died in the shark infested waters. Other sailors and laborers were so enraged by the officials' ineptitude of they began a riot which would have the town engulfed in anarchy and fire within a day. The city never recovered and now lays in ruin.

This is of course how the ancient Greeks learned the dangers of a pair of docks.

'snot so bad.

Police say there will be no congestion for 8 hours.

It's snot happening

Luckily, there was no congestion.

Amazingly, there wasn't any congestion for hours.

A snotty Pavarotti!

I told her it was all in her head

When I arrived on time he was super surprised. I told him me too; but there was no congestion

Me: It's misery!

Girlfriend: This is California.

You put a little boogie in it.

That'snot going to happen.

Moo-cinex

There was no congestion for hours.

Because he had too much junk in his trunk!

Luckily there was no traffic congestion...

Humbly submitted, Dad

Amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours!

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!

A truck carrying Vicks Vapour Rub has spilt its load on the Freeway

Police are warning of no congestion for up to 8 hours.

The cops are saying there will be no congestion for eight hours.

I was making tea with lemon juice to clear up my congestion, and my wife wanted me to use the one real lemon we have but I wanted to use the plastic lemon container stuff. Eventually she got exasperated, put the lemon in my hand, and said "WHEN WIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMON TEA."

My GPS says there's some congestion up ahead.

We were talking about how in London, there are congestion charges and the parking is super expensive so electricians often hire a driver because it ends up cheaper than paying the other charges.

I said "Trust an electrician to find the path of least resistance."

The Police have said, there will be no congestion for at least 12hrs.

My mom, my dad, and I started our journey across the US together in a Uhaul today. My mom likes to freak out. While in traffic, this happened.

Mom: Oh my god, why are we stopping?

Dad: Just a little bit of congestion.

Me: cough

Dad: Very good.

Me: Thanks.

Moments like these make a 26 hour drive cramped in a Uhaul together worth it.

Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 hours.