My doctor told me I had e-bola
Doc says it’s terminal.
His windows was cracked.
So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!
Computers that get infected stop twerking.
It's considered meowware!
He came to the computer and said : " it ran someware."
He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.
It stopped twerking.
O'Malleyware
My dad responded: "We could all be getting viruses from our computers right now."
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”
Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.
I named my hard drive “dat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to ‘back dat ass up’.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.
I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar
... keep reading on reddit ➡So I was talking to my friend on Skype, and my dad walks up,
"Hey, (friend's name), be careful. Teddifus has a cold and I think he coughed on the screen. You might get a computer virus."
Gold.
Friend 1&2: Talking about computers and virus software and it was brought up how you don't really need extra virus protection if you buy an apple computer. Friend 3: Didn't apple have a big virus recently? Without missing a beat someone responds was it a worm?
So, we were in his office and he had just gotten the test results back for if I was sick or not. He is typing on his computer when:
Doctor - "I'm sorry BonerMan_. My computer is going really slow so just bear with me for a moment."
Me - "Maybe you're the one who should be going to a doctor!"
Doctor - "Why is that?"
Me - "Well... it seems to me as if you have a computer virus!!!"
it's terminal
My son did and now he has a bunch of viruses on his computer.
Doctor - "gah, this computer is being slow."
Me - "Don't worry, ours are the worst at work."
Doctor - (Looks over my test results) Well, it seems to me as if you have a computer virus!
BAZING!
