Why did the computer virus disappear?

Because it ransomware.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FilipIzSwordsman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Why did the kid get a virus on his computer?

His windows was cracked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyflyingroomba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Did you hear about the computer that caught a virus?

Doc says it’s terminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaBowserman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.

So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstroPenguin101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Computer Virus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zak7646
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Looks like your computer has a Trojan virus
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWolfRevenge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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There is a new computer virus going around dubbed the Miley Virus

Computers that get infected stop twerking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomwalls3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?

It's considered meowware!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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My computer got infected with a virus so i asked my dad to help me.

He came to the computer and said : " it ran someware."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gujd97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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If a car had a computer controlling it, a virus could crash it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToshiDSP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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My computer must be infected with the Cyrus Virus.

It stopped twerking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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hat do you call an Irish computer virus?

O'Malleyware

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
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Protect against computer viruses imgur.com/PRCa2oS
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshTay
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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I think I got one of those computer viruses

My doctor told me I had e-bola

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsopoor
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.

He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My brother was stressing that someone in our house could contract the coronavirus by going out for supplies.

My dad responded: "We could all be getting viruses from our computers right now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesertWolf45
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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My dad gets the internet.

So I was talking to my friend on Skype, and my dad walks up,

"Hey, (friend's name), be careful. Teddifus has a cold and I think he coughed on the screen. You might get a computer virus."

Gold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeddifusCorn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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With some of my buddies (some of which are new fathers)

Friend 1&2: Talking about computers and virus software and it was brought up how you don't really need extra virus protection if you buy an apple computer. Friend 3: Didn't apple have a big virus recently? Without missing a beat someone responds was it a worm?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jay_el_ess
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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Dad joked my doctor the other day.

So, we were in his office and he had just gotten the test results back for if I was sick or not. He is typing on his computer when:

Doctor - "I'm sorry BonerMan_. My computer is going really slow so just bear with me for a moment."

Me - "Maybe you're the one who should be going to a doctor!"

Doctor - "Why is that?"

Me - "Well... it seems to me as if you have a computer virus!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BonerMan_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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My doctor said I caught a virus from my computer

it's terminal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattreyu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
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PSA: Do NOT download any text books about pandemics.

My son did and now he has a bunch of viruses on his computer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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At the doctor's office

Doctor - "gah, this computer is being slow."

Me - "Don't worry, ours are the worst at work."

Doctor - (Looks over my test results) Well, it seems to me as if you have a computer virus!

BAZING!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mooseman182
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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