I realize that the nature of OLD makes it so easy to ignore people, but I don't know how one builds the tolerance for it. Just recently I had a positive conversation with someone and they just stopped responding out of the blue. Another person reached out to me with a personal message that seemingly took a bit of effort, yet never replied after.
These are of course very commonplace occurances, but I find it far too difficult to shrug each of these off and continue onto onto next person. I've never done well for myself in OLD or irl dating, and I'm having trouble seeing how I'll be able to deal with this until something finally happens (which for me has never occurred).
I'm curious how you guys have been able to develop a mentality to wade through this and persevere without taking it all too personally.
WFH has been amazing since it allows me to spend much more time on my own investing. These days I spend 50-70% of productive hours doing my own research, with the remaining time for the "day job". Obviously, this has had a negative impact on my job performance, even though it's a conscious decision. I have trouble shaking off the mental anguish that comes from having always been a type A but deliberately putting in less-than-stellar work. Being surrounded by other high-achieving corporate lifer types doesnt help either. I often feel guilty about not "putting in the hours" and being "found out". It's like I'm trying to smother that inner part of me who's looking for external validation, which has been ingrained throughout my education and upbringing. I can't quit yet for another 2-3 more years.
For those who are fat/on the path to fatfire and juggle a demanding W2 with a significant non-W2 side gig, how do you deal with the W2, especially from a mental/emotional perspective?
I had taken the time when I last visited one of my uncles to level with him about how unhappy he seemed to be overall. His marriage and job seemed to be really destroying him. He agreed. We discussed practical matters such as paperwork to have straight in a divorce, benefits of him staying in his current house/city/job, etc.
He bought a sports car his wife hates. He does all the cliche man in his 50s acting like a man in his 20s shit. Basically, actually depressed and resentful unless he's actively fulfilling every single one of his own whims money wise and trying to "sow his wild oats" sexually after decades of aging and 2 divorces. Because "he never got to have fun". Grow up, Peter Pan.
Now he's thirsting after girls on tiktok, commenting publicly and donating tons of money to them.
I no longer care what happens in his marriage, or his divorce. I no longer care about why he's unhappy with life. see how that works? I'm glad I helped give him the confidence to really lean into his scrotey self, because now I can grant myself the peace of no longer giving a fuck what he does.
I compartmentalize my empathy for men. Wonder why the "man up" cliche started? Probably because some whiney entitled scrote couldn't fuck the hottest person in the room and externalized those stupid woes and another individual actually present in reality told him exactly where the fuck to put that attitude.
Shoe on the other foot: would a male family member of yours help you leave a relationship you weren't happy in because you "never got to have fun", didn't have a sports car with 50 custom mods, and couldn't fuck male fitness models or have an extravagant/gratuitous/excessive sexual relationship?
Answer: wait, you need me to tell you? No.
At least not if that's why you told him you were leaving.
I’m 27, my boyfriends 28. We’ve been dating for 6 years & are living together.
He’s the only person who knows everything about me. All other groups & friends know plenty but they don’t know everything. He will casually bring up stuff about me to friends that I hadn’t told them & he won’t mean to or even realize he’s done anything.
For example I went to a concert on a work night and didn’t tell my coworkers I was out drinking and at a concert on a work night (were teachers) and he met up with them (with me at a happy hour) and told them all about what a fun time we had.
He recently told some friends some financial stuff about me at a party that I had been keeping private.
He didn’t know I was trying to keep any of this private and had even heard me openly talk about it with a different friend. So I completely understand his perspective but how should I approach this so he doesn’t keep telling people stuff about me that I didn’t want them to know?
A theme I've picked up on here is that being able to successfully compartmentalize is an important part of affair life. I struggle with this as I'm naturally a "feeler" and taking feelings out of interactions hasn't been easy. What tips do you have to compartmentalize between real and play life? My APs seem to have all taken a master class on it and I hate being the one stuck with all the feels!
I apologize for the vague title. I've been working on the same engineering team for 5+ years now. I started as a married woman without children, and had my kiddo the day after my 1 year work-iversary. Most of my coworkers who were there when I had Kiddo are still working there. I've always been pretty open about things going on in my life because the past 4 years have been stressful AF.
I've realized however, that my coworkers do not divulge nearly as much about their lives as I do. I attempt to make small talk and show an interest in their lives outside of work, but there's very little that they share with me. After seeing the three guys (I'm the only woman on the engineering team) that have been here as long as I have get promoted recently, I'm starting to feel like I need to compartmentalize my life more, stop talking about parent stress, or life stress in general. I'm the only person on my team with a child and who is a woman, and I'm starting to think that being a mother is viewed as a weakness.
Exactly what the title said.
BM and DH have conflicts. BM gaslights and manipulates and DH is careless with his words and the timeliness of his replies.
BM and SD also have yelling matches on the phone occassionally.
It all just becomes a lot for me sometimes. I have anxiety and don't like conflict, especially poorly handled conflict. A lot of times I can see a way the situation could have been de-escalated but it's none of my business unless I am asked.
But it sure does feel like my business when my chest feels so tight. How do I keep this stuff from potentially giving me heart complications?
I would like to learn how you have used qubes compartmentalization and why.
The reason I am asking this is that I think there are enough guides and forum posts on how to do something but it rarely dives into why you would want to do that.
A good example I think is Joannas https://blog.invisiblethings.org/2011/03/13/partitioning-my-digital-life-into.html
I realize that this may be a threat model specific topic, but I hope to learn from your considerations.
If your plan is not as well documented as Joanna, questions to get you started (please go into the why as well!):
- How many apps share one AppVM?
- When do you use TemplateVMs, when standaloneVMs?
- Do you apply firewall rules per qube to strictly regulate the network traffic?
Cheers!
I was feeling so gross and conflicted about all this before I could put a name to it, and I even properly cried which is something that I don't do much anymore, but since putting a name to what I went through, I just put everything in the covert abuse box and move on. The problem is I'm having a hard time feeling like its real. Intellectually I understand what happened and that it was wrong, but emotionally the events of my childhood and the fears that I have now don't feel connected to each other, even though I now that these fears, anxieties and irrationalities were caused by it. So I'm just left thinking, "something bad happened to me eh whatever" and then later asking myself "why do I feel so gross" logically I know why, but it doesn't feel like it tracks. I just feel like I'm a bad lecherous person who happens to incidentally have experienced something wrong. Like, I hate her, but I hate her logically, because she doesn't align with my principles. Emotionally I have no clue what I feel. About any of it.
99% of how I compose music is digital in one way or another. It's either straight MIDI instruments, or bass and guitar DI with VST amp and cab sims.
A big issue I've realized I have is that I'll get myself caught turning virtual EQ knobs and checking compressor thresholds on tracks even though I haven't finished actually writing the accompaniment for my second chorus yet.
Its a bit harder to separate composition from mixing than if I were in a band or had more analog equipment, but in Reaper the compressor is just another FX like an amp sim or virtual instrument. I could try to do everything as dry as possible, but then the distortion tone, or the kind of delay on the synth has a big effect on how the composition feels so its not really part of the mixing process, but when I do start modelling the sound and then tone its easy to get caught mixing an incomplete song
Sort of akin to saying if green tea is zen, Taoism is the water.
I love the game, over 300 hours. I am just curious if the Legendary loot drops would be better if they were localized to specific Expeditions rather than all gear dropping from any Expedition. It seems at least your drop chance would be better. Instead of an 1 in 70 chance for example it would be 1 in 10. Just my two cents. I've never seen the seismic helm, but I heard it exists....
I have a client who I care about deeply and they told me some earth-shattering, horrible shit that happened to them recently. Not even going to repeat it, but it's so brutal that I have to block it out of my mind every time it creeps into my head. I know therapists aren't supposed to let this happen, and I've trained myself over the years not to allow it, but talking about it with my own therapist has only made it worse IMO. I think the best thing to do would be to find a way to keep blocking it out, which I know is unhealthy, but at this point it's messing with my day to day. /rant
Hello, I am fairly new to my call center job. It’s not bad for the most part, but the calls (addicts, those with mental illness) can get to me and it can be sad and heavy.
While I am lucky not to get yelled at, I do carry the difficult calls, whether it’s a desperate addict who is crying about their relapse or a social worker bitching that I can’t tell her bed availability without a prescreen. One of those is just the reality of my job and the other is just a reality of protocol, but in general I find that I take the calls home with me so to speak.
I want to find the proper way to decompress, compartmentalize, and recharge back to my “normal”. Trying to find the best way to do this.
Any advice is appreciated!
Discuss.
I haven’t worked in a call center in years. The last one I worked at was answering billing questions from patients of healthcare facilities. Lots of angry folks. Didn’t last long.
Now working with addiction centers, rehabs, residential facilities etc and help people who seek admission. Much more chill, but it can be intense. Also when case workers or nurses call in they can be a bit rough to handle, understandably.
As a proud r/HSP, I struggle to leave it at the door when I leave. I am trying to come up with coping mechanisms or other self-care tips to help me decompress, leave those stories at work, and enjoy my life.
I realize I am lucky I am not getting yelled at all day in tech support or even by the angry patients I dealt with 8 years ago. My center is pretty chill on metrics and expectations too. So I am extremely grateful, but still struggling with this aspect.
How do you recharge?
When triggered by negative situations, I start to think and feel pessimistic about everything else. I can’t seem to separate my feelings on a bad situation with my overall situation. It feels like the negative emotions are spilling all over in places it doesn’t really call for. What can I do to avoid negativity clouding my overall perspective?
This made me feel like shit. She is 10 years older (34 now) and she cheated on her ex boyfriend to stay with me. Then she started (like literally two months later) talking about living together, marriage, kids and stuff like that.
BUT she never wanted to introduce me to her family and friends, or post a picture of us together on social media.
The relationship lasted 1 year, but I always had the feeling that she was trying to hide it. Like no human being who knew her had to acknowledge our relationship.
The trauma got fed after I saw on her PC pictures of her, her ex husband and her friends together, living their best lives. The same goes for the ex
husband, the previous boyfriend, and so on. I was treated differently. But the told me I was The One, the perfect man, blah blah blah.
Each time I told her I felt uncomfortable about the kept secret relationship, she blamed me to be a shallow man who only wanted to make our relationship public. Like I do care about braggadocio.
Meanwhile she was trying to manipulate me in order to get pregnant by me (she never admitted it, but I’m pretty sure about this), and making plans for our cohabitation (even if I didn’t want to).
For me that seems extremely irrational.
I really felt like I was just a piece of a big puzzle, a puzzle going beyond my comprehension, although she always told me that she wanted to marry me so that we could be bound forever.
We broke up a year and a half ago. Of course I got discarded and of course I know I dodged a bullet. Now she is pregnant (I guess by mistake) by another man (like 7 months later). She called me names, blocked me everywhere and almost reported me to the police for no fucking reason.
I guess she painted me so black a black hole could be a neon lamp.
3 months NC.
I know she is a messy girl, she is untreated and I don't want her back. But this compartmentalization really destroyed my self esteem and made me
feel like an Insignificant Other.
I really can't understand how can compartmentalization and the Favourite Person concept coexist.
Please share your thoughts with me, thanks.
I am basically living with a boyfriend for the summer who I just learned is cheating, at least by asking for nudes from other women, and I would guess maybe sex when I was away (maybe). Either way, the texts and snaps are enough to know he has a major issue. Seems like he cheats the day of my arrival each time I visit. Sounds like an attachment issue to me, because he seems smitten with me at times, but also obviously afraid of those feelings. Either way, no excuse.
I’m pissed, I’m tired from crying and hiding my tears, I’m tired of watching him lie to me. I haven’t confronted him yet. I’m kind of stuck with him at the moment for various reasons, but working my way out of it and onto something brighter.
I might need to stay with him for another couple weeks or months, depending on my job and the pandemic restrictions in our area. Obviously I’ll keep myself safe from further emotional involvement, but may need to stay on cordial terms.
Women who’ve had to live through infidelity (for the kids, due to finances, pandemic etc) - how do you compartmentalize, keep yourself safe, and stick to your own goals? Appreciate any encouragement and suggestions.
(But obviously I see all the red flags and I’m not much interested in talking this out or reconciling with him. In some ways I do want to confront him, but I’m afraid of how much I’d cry and try to offer him therapy to reflect on his behavior lol).
I’ve actually stumbled into this sub because the idea of buying less but higher quality things that go more wears and less washes is appealing. That’s why I was posting about undershirts the other day (thanks for the tips!).
But the idea of travel clothes, as separate from day-to-day clothing is interesting, is that actually a thing? If so why? Is it that sometimes you want cotton but don’t travel with it? Is it because you’re active/into workouts and when not traveling you are using “regular” gym clothes? Do you like to feel different when you travel? Is it that the idea of travel clothing is literally what the sub says “one bag” and that only a particular type of clothing actually works for that?
For me as I’m picking up items here and there, im finding the quality and style is better than what I was wearing day-to-day and it’s increasingly tempting to just gradually switch out almost my entire wardrobe into high quality merino wool; wool blends; tech materials; and silver treated cotton/polyester.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, how do you dissociate yourself emotionally from your patients so you can get through shifts and get work done? I work in a Neuro unit with 6:1 ratios. A lot of my day is listening to screaming patients, stopping confused ones from falling or hurting themselves etc. I find I come into each shift with lots of anxiety and leave each one feeling so drained and defeated. I see my coworkers not as emotionally phased and they get their job done much quicker than myself. I know it’s good to show compassion but what about just being able to survive the shift?
In other words, can a 75 percent dysfunctional liver produce the same amount of glucose in a small working area?
CPS employees, how do you compartmentalize and last within the department for years? I was in INV for a year before I switch departments. What are some tips to share with maybe other members that are struggling with a work/life balance. After all, we’re humans too with families.
Some days are just awesome and some days are bad or demoralizing or someone in power nitpicked (large program-hundreds of stakeholders-transformational)
How do you compartmentalize your life so you still go for that run or still have the cheer in the evening or complete reading the book that you started ?
Any secret sauce?
