Cold Air Puns

My classroom has air conditioning, but it only kicks in on warm days like today. When my fifth graders came in this morning, a couple immediately started complaining. "It's freezing in here!"

I had been waiting for this opportunity all year! I pointed to the corner of the room. "Well, if you're cold, you can go stand over there. The corner is 90º!"

The best part was the chorus of incredulous students shouting "really?!" who then went over to investigate. It wasn't until they pointed out that the temperature was same over there that they realized they had been duped.

Woke up early this morning and asked my girlfriend how the cold air humidifier turns cold water into mist. She was kind of tired and didn't have an answer so I told her "it's mystifying, isn't it?"

Too much pier pressure.

Well this was a little embarrassing as she is rarely funny. Anyway, I have been off work a lot over winter with chest infections and colds thanks to my asthma and the shitty English 'winter'.

She suggested I move back up north where the air is better, and I said that no, "I need to move abroad with my chest."

Her response: "What about the rest of you?"

I got schooled.

Both "draft" as in compulsory enlistment and "draft" as in a gust of wind or cold air.