Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it.
Wear two
to blind prostitutes.
Plastic explosives.
"Nice butt"
I told him it was an older version of a henway.
“What’s a henway?” My son asked.
“About 5 pounds” I replied.
We are finally getting chickens! We are also obsessed with puns and serial killers. Can anyone of the much brighter minds than mine think of any good chicken related/true crime puns?
Because we wouldn’t know how to feel
Two years of training I am never gonna get back
DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew
WAITER: only if you promise not to say “waiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it
...
DAD: I’ll have the chicken
What do you call a bird that flies over the bay?
A bagel.
A swallow.
He sure loves his cock-tales.
“anabolic?” Asked the doctor.
“No, just the cock”
no need to worry, you will be OK
It crows every morning.
(This joke just deserved a more catchy title, sorry for the mess.)
Every Tuesday growing up, we had German sausages and sauerkraut for dinner - my dad's favorite. Since I can remember, my dad has told this joke and never misses a chance telling it till this day:
"You know kids, it's not the sausage that makes you fat, it's the sauce!"
Both my younger sister and l looked at eachother, rolled our eyes and thought - why is he telling this joke every single time.. it doesnt make sense! There is no sauce here! Only fried sausages, sauerkraut and potatoes. In fact, where is the goddamn sauce, we could need it. This dish is dry as shit! My poor mom shrugged her shoulders, seemingly just as confused.
When i was about 11-12, I caught up on my dad's hinting and eye contact after the punch line.. he wanted me to get the joke so bad at this point lol. I had a moment, as they say. Oh... OOHH. BOOM. Omg the "SAUCE"!! From the sausage.. makes some people fat.. as in pregnant.. Mind. Blown.
My sister, around 8 at that time, had a few hundred more sausage dinners to "ketchup" ;) I'm not doing so bad myself, 'ey?
Edit: For the slow people out there, this joke is about sausage=penis, sauce=sperm and getting fat=pregnant. Did you have your moment too?? Admittingly, the joke works better in my native language, but you get the idea.
It's my Stephen
How do you keep a rooster from cock - a-doodle-doing on Monday morning?
Eat him for Sunday dinner .....
It's about dicktatorship...
Wife: It's Sunday, we have to go back to work tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, at least it's jeans week next week.
Wife: Wait, so it's Jean's week for you next week?
Me: That's what I just said.
Wife: cocks eyebrow So it's my week???
Me: ...
Send help. I'm still in shock from my wife (Jean) pulling this epic dad joke off on me.
I guess you can say I got some Radiohead
"Careful now!" I said. "Them's fightin' birds."
A cock a dude'll do.
