What do you call the police chief’s wife?

Mischief

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Why did the fruits invite the mushroom as chief guest for their party?

Cause he seemed like a "fun-gi"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginks_21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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What did the Mexican fire chief name his son

Jose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Mantra of the Kansas City Chiefs' defensive line

The Bucs Stop Here!

Edit: thank you for alerting me it's "bucs" not "bucks". My dad experience (4 months) is better than my football knowledge

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.

Guess you could say that it was a close shave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomgz0mbie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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What did the Kansas City Chiefs quarterback say when he saw his real estate properties go up in flames?

Mahomes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaneika
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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Whst is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 2/4 goat ?

Chicago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company...

I'm the main stake holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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What do you call the chief of an ancient Amazonian tribe?

Amazon Prime

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaimesBond
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?

"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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The chief roadie for a touring band should be called its Gigs Bosun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spelelo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Once upon a time in the jungle...

Once upon a time there were numerous tribes in a jungle. Each tribe struggled to survive, and over time and as skills evolved, tribes began to trade goods with each other. One tribe learned the skills of architecture, and traded designs for safe grass houses with neighboring tribes for other necessities, such as food. Over time, the tribe grew quite rich, and without the need for goods the chief of the tribe demanded payment in the form of a tribute, an ornate throne. Over time the number of thrones the chief owned grew more and more numerous, so he had a great multi-story grass house built to store all of his thrones. One day, the weight of the thrones became so much the house collapsed, killing the chief. The moral of the story is… wait for it…

He who lives in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pirate-Frog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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TIL: A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.

And import.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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A Viking explorer came home to find his name removed from the town register. When his wife complained, the chief apologized and said,

β€œI must have taken Lief off my census”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Why did the Secretary of Defense and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff cross the road?

They were just following the chicken!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I saw the headline β€œTrump Attacks WHO chief Over Criticisms of U.S. Approach to Coronavirus” and thought...

What the hell did Pete Townshend do?!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreyBien875
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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My 8 year old pulled this on me

Daughter: Dad, are you smart?

Me: Yes.

Daughter: Spell it.

Me: S-M-A-R-T

Daughter: You said you’re smart but you can’t even spell the word β€œit.”

She got me good.

β€”

Edit: My first front page post! I’d like to say thanks to all the wonderful people that upvoted this and made awesome comments. And screw you to the weirdos who went out or their way to say mean things. And thanks to my daughter. She is the real MVP in all this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonicPavement
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?

Commander in Chiefs.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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If Frodo was the President of the Fellowship, what position would Gandalf have?

Chief of Staff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Local police chief with halloween gold
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebnic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
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The leader of a cannibal tribe was slowly cooking a man in a pot

Cannibal Leader: "What did you do before we captured you?"

Man: "I was an editor for a newspaper"

Cannibal Leader: "Soon you will be editor-in-chief"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My fire chief proved he was a dad when I bought a Jeep Compass

"I like your new Jeep, but it's broken." I look at him confused. "It's in the parking lot pointing west. Shouldn't Compasses always point north?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krisphoto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
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Charmander in Chief imgur.com/yralrGJ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/han_so_low
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
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What are the walls on a house of cards made of?

Cardboard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumelDuma
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Help give my pet rabbit a job title

Chief of Hoperations? Director of fuzz? Give me your best, most official sounding titles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jstew96
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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The fire chief walks in on two firemen having sex

The chief yells, β€œwhat the hell are you guys doing”. The first fireman replies, β€œwhen I walked in he was out cold from the smoke”. The chief replies, β€œwhy didn’t you try mouth to mouth?” The second fireman looks back and yells, β€œhow do you think this started?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattyx201
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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[OC] A chief named Battle is scouting for fertile land with his son Attle

After a long and arduous hike, Attle is tired. "How much longer dad? Are you sure its is this way?"

"Son, trust me! Now stay close to me ok!"

Finally, Battle reaches a good viewpoint, and spots an island in the distance.

He excitedly yells: "Attle! Come on, hurry up, I think I found it".

Attle catches up to his dad. "Where is it?"

Battle points to the island, and says "Seattle"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baselganglia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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What did the Mexican fire chief name his twins?

JosΓ© and Hose-B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1000Penguins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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Do you know why the Kansas City Chiefs' gameplan has been figured out?

It's because they're a one-Tyreek pony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardArschmann
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
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"Ooh no thanks buddy I'm already stoned"
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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What did the mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Hose A, and Hose B.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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In France, when the honey bee revolution began they broke out a tiny little guillotine for the Queen...but she laughed in their faces.

No matter how much they tried, the guillotine wouldn't work. When the chief executioner examined the situation it was clear why, she had already been "bee-headed"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ridik_ulass
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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My Dad works for a welding supplier, so heres his welding dad joke

A guy was cutting with an acetylene torch when suddenly there is a break in the line. The acetelyne starts shooting up his arm and a stray spark ignites it. His arm bursts into flame. He starts running around the shop waving his arm around while it's on fire until someone hits him with the fire extinguisher.

After the fire is out and the EMT's arrive, the police are there taking statements from the witnesses. When the officer finishes this, he pulls out his handcuffs, goes over to the burned guy on the ground, pushes the EMT out of the way, and arrests the burned guy.

When he brings the guy to the station, the chief asks him why he arrested this guy when he clearly needs medical attention. The officer responded by saying "He was waving a firearm in public"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Better_Devil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose-B

Source: "Everybody Loves Raymond"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/getkarthikmr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
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Ah!
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
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To my chief

Backstory: I'm in the Navy and my chief needed a ride to pick up his car from the shop. First he needed to make a quick stop at the bank so he can pay for his car, though.

As he jumped out to head into the bank he said, "I'll be back" but said it like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

To which I replied, "Why not Mozart?"

Tl;dr My chief hates me now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerrorEyzs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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Hitler asked his chief meteorologist for the weather forecast.

"Hail, Hitler."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-rabid-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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Chief falling rock

I grew up in colorado and once we drove by a caution sign that read "falling rock" and my dad told us that chief falling rock was an native american chief and would attack cars with a club. The signs were there to mark the places he had attacked. Believed it for years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skankinskier
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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TIL: A few hundred years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export.

And import.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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What did the Hispanic fire chief names his two sons?

Hose A and Hose B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakinhuge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2015
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