A real life dad joke.

My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.

Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"

I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"

I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."

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👤︎ u/zamundan
📅︎ Feb 09 2021
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Commemorating a late Ides of March

Was Julius Cesar the first Holey Roman emperor?

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📅︎ Mar 28 2021
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What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce

Chicken sees a salad

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👤︎ u/tjeters
📅︎ Jul 11 2020
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what did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?

You're my romeboy.

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📅︎ Nov 21 2019
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How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?

They played rock paper Caesar

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👤︎ u/PLUMBUM2
📅︎ Oct 04 2020
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Upon hearing Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer) was getting divorced...

This is from a few years ago, but it's one of my favorite's from my dad:

"So, let me get this straight... he can train all these other dogs, but he can't keep his one bitch in line?"

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👤︎ u/rebirth369
📅︎ Sep 06 2013
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What does a Mexican cut a pizza with?

With Little Cesar’s

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📅︎ May 05 2019
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O2?

In an alternate reality, Cesar lived to be an old man. One day at the Roman Retirement Forum, he saw his old friend, Brutus.

He picked up his bellows and asked, "O2, Brute?"

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👤︎ u/Mikilt22
📅︎ Dec 08 2017
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Hungry games

I made meatballs for meatball subs for dinner. it didn't go so well. green is dad.

Me: "If these meatballs keep catching on fire I'm not going to make them any more"

> it's dinner by zero THE DINNER ON FIRE!!! (legit Cesar voice and everything)

Me: laughing and choking on soda

>what? what's the matter? Katniss got your tongue? exit stage right

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👤︎ u/Zero_Teche
📅︎ Mar 19 2014
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What happened when the chicken sees a salad.

Chicken Cesar salad.

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📅︎ Jul 04 2020
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