The Final Catholic Service

The Final Catholic religious service right before the world is destroyed will be held in an ICBM silo.

They'll have Critical Mass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOldGuy59
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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Just found out im still a part of the catholic church even though ive been an atheist for years...

...guess you could call me a serial sinner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laferrarik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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I went on a date with a catholic woman yesterday.

I tried to have a nice conversation, flirt, and enjoy our dinner, but she was having nun of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nexrotoxic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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What is a Catholic's favourite car part?

The Catholic (catalytic) converter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XPSU
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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What do Catholics and Klingons have in common?

A Diet of Worms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VadeRetroLupa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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What do you call Catholic martial arts?

Nun-Jitsu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FranticFridge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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I fell asleep during Catholic mass.

I'm a Bored Again Christian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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What do you call a Catholic Sister who's an expert in stealth and martial arts?

A nunja.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JakeIsTheEnemy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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What do you call a catholic leader that does weed?

A dope pope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hewbard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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What are the chances of seeing a skinny man next to a catholic woman?

Slim to nun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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What do you call an advertisement for the Catholic Church?

Mass Marketing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McDudles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I’m not Catholic...

...but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

(emo philips)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjg580
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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I have just found the Catholic version of pay per view.

The pay per see.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnykelly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Lost a race to a catholic lady in long robes today

I thought I was the fastest, turns out I’m second to nun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I’m a lapsed Catholic.

I ran rings around the Pope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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The Catholic Church announced it is creating an MMO

Massively Multiprayer Online

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wofguy3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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A catholic priest walked into the wrong congregation

There was mass confusion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Physics: Why can’t Catholics travel at light speed?

Because they have mass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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How many f***s does a catholic sister give?

Nun.

[Inspired by Netflix - Warrior Nun]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nLych
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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A Catholic priest will always be a Catholic until he goes on a pilgrimage....

...then He becomes a Roamin' Catholic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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A Buddhist monk, a Catholic priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar...

The rabbit says "I think I'm a typo"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tao1976
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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How do we know that atoms are Catholic?

Because they have mass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?

A pope tart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleB_127
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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How do members of the Catholic Church pay each other?

They use papal transactions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/338geek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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I went in for surgery today and the doctor found catholic zombies inside me!

He said he found an infected mass.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eluchel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Why is a Catholic Mass like The Gunfight At The O.K. Corral?

Pew! Pew! Pew!...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon-A
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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What do you call a Catholic priest that becomes a lawyer?

A Father in law.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexshinoda117
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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What did the Catholic say to the Hindu?

Your karma ran over my dogma!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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How can a Catholic get out of jail?

Christian Bale

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVKD14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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If Catholic holy women wear Converse tennis shoes...

...are they nun chucks?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinrhurst
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Why don’t catholic priest talk about molestation in the church?

It’s a touchy subject.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dose172
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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If you don’t get why catholics have dirty foreheads today...

Why don’t you just ash them?

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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What do you call a devout Catholic American Actress?

Marilyn Nunroe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StevenJF
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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CATholic
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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My friend is a Roman Catholic priest, great at his job - he absolutely kills it every Sunday.

He’s a mass murderer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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I don't get it, Catholic Woman-Sticks Held Together by Chain?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EdgyTeenMeem
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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I stopped returning calls and texting back the local catholic priest...

You could say I holy ghosted him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kotetsu454
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

There rabbit takes a look around the joint and says, "I'm beginning to think I'm a typo."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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I'm not Catholic but...

I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Putins_Kumquat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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Why can't Catholics travel at light speed?

Because they have mass.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2016
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