Playing rainbow six using Calculator as a controller
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing
But it's what's inside that counts
Something weird happened today. I went to talk to a friend, and he asked me to calculate arcsecant out of the blue.
Cooking up some drugs is easy if u know the steps and calculate the correct dosages
A boy breaks his calculator just before a big math test
From the shelf beside him, an abacus says "Dont worry kid, you can always count on me"
Guys, I had a really exhausting day yesterday, filling in forms and calculating the surplus of money I had to pay to the country.
There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ
It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you have at home
My calculator is missing the minus button....
But on the plus side it still works.
When I was young, I once asked my dad for a pocket calculator, but he said no.
He said, “Who cares how many pockets you have?”
What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?
You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke? Reddit doesn’t have pie days!
The TSA detained a passenger in possession of a slide rule, compass and calculator...
They said he was carrying weapons of math instruction, and was a member of the Alge-bra movement.
My son asked me how hard it is to calculate the area of a circle
I told him it’s easy as pi
Just wondering, if you push the buttons on a calculator really fast ...
... does it become a calcu-earlier?
For some reason I can't calculate amps and voltage
I don't know watt I'm forgetting
Do you know how karma is calculated?
Girlfriend got mad when I gave her a box full of ants with calculators for valentines day
Don't understand why, she'd always told me it's little things that count?
People are always telling me that “mean” and “rude” have the same definitions. So I ask them,
How do you calculate the surface area of a cephalopod?
Where does the evil calculator go when he dies?
I'm calculating inertia right now...
What do you say to a math problem you are saving for tomorrow?
I got a really ugly looking calculator for Christmas.
But it is what is on the inside that counts.
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:
"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"
Weird how my calculator has stopped working...
I was having an argument about construction with someone on reddit.
He said he never had any issues with mis-calculations during construction on houses and I said that's impossible.
I told him in response about a time I put a post in the ground at a bad angle and had to take it out and put it back in correctly.
He got mad at me because he had heard the same exact story on r/construction
I guess you could call it a repost
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me...
Why did the protractor marry the calculator?
It was a math made in heaven.
What does Adam Lambert say when you tell him you did your math homework in the snow?
"Don't give a damn about your cold calculation."
I gave my son a calculator named “Thought”.
It’s the thought that counts.
Everyone is so surprised after getting hit by a calculator...
... I guess they weren't counting on it
I might buy you an exploding calculator...
I found a box of discarded calculators and I just had to rescue them because...
In these hard times of 2020, I know two things you can always count on,
A calculator and an abacus....
I'm trying to work out a complicated maths equation with a broken calculator
But it’s only adding to the problem
Why did I get a tattoo of a calculator?
So you can always count on me.
Euler didn't have a problem with working on his calculations all night
but the aftermath was pretty bad.
Do you know how to calculate the volume of a pizza with a radius of Z and a thickness of A?
My best friend ia a calculator...
I’ve always been able to count on him.
Is* in the title.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
(I don't know how obscure this is, but if it doesn't make sense click this link)
If number 666 is evil,
then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
I don't know why people carry pocket calculators
I can tell how many pockets I have without one.
My calculator broke today,
Practice safe calculations
I think the Calculator is behind the murder of my mother
My son said his calculator wasn't working earlier in the day but it works now.
I said it was because it was a calcu-later.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on!
This old calculator might not look like much...
But it's what's inside that counts.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He worked it out with a calculator.
How much was Texas Instruments fined when they were caught offering free breast augmentation procedures to employees?
I took out my calculator and the plus button was missing.
Something doesn’t quite add up.
Trust your calculator
It's something you can count on.
My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.
I wonder what she is up to now.
I'll use a calculator, I'll use a protractor, I'll use an eraser, and I'll use a compass...
But a ruler? That's where I draw the line.
What do you call a chicken that calculates how long it will take to cross the road?
Trust your calculator.
It's something to count on.
You can count on it.
Edit: 30% more dad added to joke. Thank you u/next2nothing_
What do you call the child of 2 physicists?
Calculators can be pretty unreliable
But you can always count on your hands
Calculators should have been called Arith-omatics
"did you factor in the restance when calculating the current" "no i dont think so"
My daughter's calculator didn't function anymore.
I told her to press F(x) to pay respect
What's Forrest Gump's computer password?
*Hits you with calculator
Bet you weren’t counting on that.
Why are Christians so good at calculating perpendicular vectors?
They worship the cross product.
How many seconds are there in a year?
Google Assistant with the dad joke:
https://i.imgur.com/EUQ7TTF.jpg
So I lost my calculator in math class today
I guess you could say I was calculess.
Did you hear about the guy who can't calculate averages?
He wasn't good at math by any means.
What did the calculator say to the student?
I went to pick up my calculator off a table last Monday, only to drop it on the floor.
I looked at the guy next to me and said,
"Miscalculated."
Did some early back-to-school shopping, and my dad told me to buy the ugliest calculator.
I asked him why and he said,
"Because it's what's inside that counts."
My calculator hates me.
I was doing some math problems in class, and got annoyed at one problem I forgot how to do. I let out a quiet "Fuck you" under my breath at the calculator.
My best friend who was sitting next to me heard me, and said, "Maybe the calculator wouldn't be so mean to you if you stopped pushing its buttons."
We cracked up and immediately repeated the joke to everyone around us, who were disappointed in her lame (awesome) joke.
My friend is a teenage girl. Not a father. Maybe there's a dad hidden in us all....
Calculating joke...
My kid was talking about Al Gore and I asked him if he knew that there was a mathematical formula that would predict how Mr Gore would perform to music. When he said no I asked him if he knew what an algorithm was...
A math teacher was arrested today
In his home was a protractor, a calculator, and ruler. He was arrested for carrying weapons of math instruction.
Do you want to hear a mean joke?
A physicist, an engineer and a statistician go on a hunting trip. They see a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance to the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, he fires but misses five feet to the left.
The engineer says he forgot to account for the wind, takes the rifle, aims and misses five feet to the right. The statistician claps and says "we got him!".
What do you call female dogs that are good at math?
My math teacher took away my rubber band shooter today.
He said it was a weapon of math disruption.
I got 66 problems.
And being upside down is one.
I asked my dad if he could buy me a pocket calculator.
He said, “Why? You don’t know how many pockets you have?”
Why are calculators so dependable?
Because you can always count on them
If you ever have trouble doing math.
You can always count on a calculator.
I have an old calculator that’s missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, it still works.
My calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side, ...it still works.
My calculator is missing the minus button.
But on the plus side,...it still works.
What do you get when you cross a calculator and a friend?
A friend you can count on!
You'll never have a more reliable friend than a calculator
You can always count on them
I was thinking of buying a pocket calculator.
but then I thought, "who cares how many pockets I have?"
Trust your calculator
It's something to count on
if 666 is all evil
then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil
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