There's something about echos that bothers me

I'm not sure what it is, but it'll come back to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TormentedGaming
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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nah, dont bother. you wont get it, it's an inside joke.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ouosvvav
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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So, my child told me on the phone they'd got a sex change. They could tell I wasn't too bothered...

I had become trans-parent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bredstikz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My wife asked me for some favors because her knees were bothering her.

I told her she was being awfully kneedy.

( My first attempt at an original. Sorry if someone has beat me to it.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cats_Ass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Baa, coo, baa, coo. Why do i bother?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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A shitty website
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schmepsi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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I'm bothered by lazy geologists who don't take the time to correctly identify rocks...

Sometimes they take this schist for granite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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People keep bothering me at work, while I dig for gold

I'm just mining my own business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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If you're looking for sense these days, don't bother.

There is a national coin shortage, after all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevethepirate89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.

It speaks for itself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.

Saved you a klick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Don't bother him he's reading.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holiday_Volume
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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I need some advice. My roommate is always lighting incense and it's bothering my asthma.

How do I deal with someone who is being so incense-ative?

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Dad joked by an 81-year-old woman

I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said β€œI think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”

I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, β€œbut it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Hooligan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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My older bother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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Cold never bothered me anyway...

It was my son's birthday, and we were doing a Thomas the Tank Engine theme. Went to the party supplies shop, and one of the things we got for the party was a helium balloon with Thomas on it. Gave it to him, told him to hold on to it, otherwise it would float up into the sky, all the way to the moon as Peppa Pig phrases it.

Anyway, I'm looking around and I notice something weird... there are Transformers helium balloons, Peppa Pig helium balloons, Barbie helium balloons, Thomas of course, various superheroes... but I notice the complete absence of Elsa and Anna on these balloons. But Frozen must be the most popular theme ever for girl's birthday parties, I would have thought. So why no Frozen helium balloons?

I asked at the counter, and they told me that they used to have them, but they got too many complaints. Apparently every time a parent gave the balloon to a kid, she'd just let it go...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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I don't understand why people bother sharpening their pencils.

There's no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Why do they bother making so many "different" flavours of baby food when....

....they all just taste like airplane!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MixSaffron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Something’s bothering the dressmaker.

She seamstressed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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What do you call a nose without a body?

Nobody knows

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tliteratesims
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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A group went camping by the seaside when it started to rain

For all in tents and porpoises, the rain didn’t bother them much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thevectorvictor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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A group of people went into a maze to find a centaur. As they entered one man told the group: β€œDon’t bother going to the middle”, They responded: β€œWhy?”, He replied: β€œThey don’t like to be the centaur of attention”.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trigger-Plays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Don’t bother being cute, I’ll just ruin it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BootyGarb
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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Cold cuts never bothered me anyway.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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I kept bothering blizzard for banning hk supporter

He told me β€œwhat do you want with Mei

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alexandrezico10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Don’t bother Ethin

He’s in the middle of something

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πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Why did the sound bother people?

It a noise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Largedump
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Why don't bears bother to wear shoes ?

Because they'd still have bear feet

( Canadian joke )

Credit:

https://twitter.com/johncleese/status/1131033587879432192?s=21

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AskSageNate
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.

I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lethalmouse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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The Wright bothers built the first airplane

Their approach was plane and simple

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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My first time doing puns in real life. Ik it's horrible

So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J

J: You u should tie up your shoes

Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays

J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)

Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)

Conversation deviates

Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard

J: nah

Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZmentAdverti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Why does a skunk bother organizing his pantry?

He likes keeping everything in odor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rinteln
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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Why Wasn’t The Radish At The Party?

Because He Didn’t Bother To Turnip!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matt4307
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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TIL: During the American Revolution, George III didn’t even bother to leave the couch.

He was sofa king comfortable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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I don’t wash my ass

Because I don’t let shit bother me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SH4TPOSTER
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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PRO TIP: The biggest myth about travel is "packing light" - don't bother! Light is available from the sun and artificial sources worldwide.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diok22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says, β€œDon’t bother me!”

So I asked him how much it costs and whether or not it works.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Why do people bother fighting for seats in the Congress?

All they have to do is bring their own chair.

-organically sourced from my dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AthenaBird
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I saw the zookeeper bothering a grizzly at our local zoo. So I asked him to stop.

He said, β€œSorry. It’s my bear to cross.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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I kept bothering my friend with a scissor

He said "Cut it out"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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If I could just bring one thing with me to a remote deserted Island..

..then I probably wouldn't bother going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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