Bing Crosby was great.
But just imagine how good Google Crosby could’ve been.
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says “uno, dos...” poof.
He disappeared without a tres.
Emperor Constantine the Great, Arius and Bing Crosby walk into a bar
Arius exhorts Constantine the Great to agree that Jesus of Nazareth was fully human, isn't co-eternal with God the Father and to revoke the Nicene Creed. Constantine shakes his head, "No. For the sake of the unity of the Christian church, Christians must agree that Jesus is co-eternal: fully God and wholly human."
Arius throws his hands in the air. "What do you think Bing?"
Bing points to Constantine with a sly nod and croons that Jesus is "wholly infant, so tender and mild."
I have a jar full of jars, I call it jar jar, and when I shake it,
What’s the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?
A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disney.
I was replaying Wind Waker recently after having binged BNHA, and the idea popped into my head.
Why did Microsoft named its search engine "BING"
Because It's Not Google...
Mi me chiama JAR JAR BINGS...
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"
"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.
I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day: bought a bing, bought a boom.
My New year's resolution is to stop binge eating Xmas leftovers...
I'm going to quit cold turkey.
*me binge eating Christmas treats*
Jesus Christ what have you done to me!
This morning, after a long night of binging, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw my haggard, worn-out body and overcome with emotion I realised that for the sake of my family I had to quit cold turkey.
My local karaoke bar has just banned all Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Bing Crosby songs …
to prevent the spread of the crooner virus.
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.
You just have to listen varicosely.
Wanna know where Walla Walla is?
It's between Ting Tang and Bing Bang.
Started singing like a cross between Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra.
Think I may have caught this croonervirus.
I went to a cherry stand and then a microphone store.
Bought a bing. Bought a boom.
Bowie and Bing Crosby meet up in heaven…
David Bowie: "You look a bit down in the dumps, Bing. What's wrong?"
Bing Crosby: "my inflatable arsehole needs blown up."
Bowie: "Do you want to borrow my rubber bum pump?"
Bing: "Rubber bum pump?"
Bowie: "Rubber bum pump."
Did you know Bing Crosby gave David Bowie a pom pom for Christmas?
And not just any old pom pom but a proper pom pom!
Two men walk into a bar.
The third guy ducked.
(With sound effects : Bing! Bing! Swish!)
If I was a journalist, I'd ask a lot of pro bing questions.
Like "Isn't Google the worst search engine?"
I just finished binge-watching an entire series on NetFlix or whatever it is!
It was a documentary on doing things in moderation.
Binge-watching a few Netflix series with my wife this weekend, when I noticed the same actor had been in all of them...
Man, that Skip Intro guy get's a lot of work!
Wanted: A man who has been stealing wheels from police cars
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
Chandler Bing really is the master of dad jokes.
While at a tailor's,
"How long do you want the cuffs?"
"Well at least for as long as I have the pants."
Mike Tyson got very disturbed after binge watching “Breaking Bad”.
He said, “That was pretty methed up.”
I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
The radio was on the classical station during a Star Trek binge.
We had just finished binge watching 'Stranger Things' ...
and were walking up stairs to go to bed, when this exchange took place:
GF: "Whoa, there's a tv remote all the way over here on the stairs, isn't that weird?"
Me: "Meh, I've seen stranger things."
GF: "Oh my god, STOP!" it got an eye roll and chuckle out of her though.
Dad: what do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Hubby got me during a Netflix binge...
Hubby: We should put the TV on the floor.
Me: Why?
Hubby: So you can watch Friends in low places!
He was so proud...
What has John Cena been doing lately?
So you're Binge Reading?
This was to my younger sister.
Me: "what are you reading?"
Her: she holds up her book and the spine says "Binge"
Me: "So you're Binge reading?"
And she rolled her eyes harder than I've ever seen.
I'd like to personally thank the inventor of the mini skirt...
My balls have never felt so free.
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
If Bing Crosby was so great
Imagine how good Google Crosby would have been?
I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day. Bought a bing, bought a boom.
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?" she asked.
"No, the regular kind."
Dad : “I need to call the doctor today.” Mom : “Which doctor?”
Dad : “No, the regular kind.”
Sometimes, my wife makes it *too* easy.
"I need to call the doctor today."
"Which doctor?"
"No, the regular kind."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
