My tongue was cut off for betraying my king

But do you hear me complaining about it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakotae3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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What’s it called when a tree betrays it’s country?

Treeson.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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What do you call a reptile who betrayed you?

A trai-tor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/belgianfried
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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Why did the wet shirt feel betrayed?

It was hung out to dry.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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If the disciple that betrayed Jesus appeared in Veggietales, what vegetable would he be?

Judas Isacarrot.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atrix324
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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What do you call a pig king betrayed by his brother?

Ham-let

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackRat_TGM
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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What do you call a cow king who got betrayed by his brother

MOO-FASA

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MANDINGObitch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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Why should you never betray the Ents?

Because that would be treeson.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zspratt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I asked my friend if he wanted to see that new Stephen King movie adaptation and it felt like a betrayal when he declined.

"It 2, Brute?" I had asked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phiv555
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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If Groot had kids, and one of them betrayed the guardians

it would be treason.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wotmate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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Bad collection of puns

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

  1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
  2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
  3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
  4. lettuce taco bout it?
  5. I will asalt you with puns!
  6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
  7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
  8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
  9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
  10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
  11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
  12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
  13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
  14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you should've reddit!

I'm sorry for the cringe...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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After Lucifer betrayed God, how did God kick him out of heaven?

"get the hell outta here"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dakkamakka
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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My reddit circle has been betrayed

I am r/outoftheloop

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaneerKoMaya
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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Why did the gay French woman feel betrayed?

Because her partner was having a laissez-faire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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What did Stalin say when he found out Hitler betrayed him?

Soviet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RxScriptSwindler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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If the Captain of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) were to betray one of his crew members...

would that crew member be hoisted by his own Picard?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2016
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What happens to betrayed Jedis?

They get thrown out of the Windu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/telepaper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
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A classic fish tale of betrayal...

No matter how many friends you have, one will always be anemone.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snorgledork
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
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What do you call it when a tree betrays its own soil?

Treeson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrsilbert1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
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Betrayed.

I'm a server at a restaurant and we were busy.

I walk up with 4 drinks and set them on a tray.

Me: I'm taking this tray, hopefully no one's using it.

Other server: well it's yours now....

Me: sorry, didn't mean to be-tray you...

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shwoople
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?

Beneduck Arnold

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditjwh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2015
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Today I have outdone myself

Today I have outdone myself. When asking my sister how her day went, she said that she learned how to cook an omelet today and she said she did really well on it. I then said "next time, omelet you cook breakfast." I swear the look of disgust on her face could turn milk sour, and I couldn't be any prouder of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoinBowen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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Dad-joked by my french teacher.

Just pretext: "un Ε“uf" in french means "an/one egg".

French Teacher: Why do French people only eat one egg per day max?

Response: Because one egg is un Ε“uf. (sounds similar to enough)

It may not seem very funny, but with the right prenunciation, this dadjoke is a killer vocally.

πŸ‘︎ 253
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shockingnews213
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
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The tree tried to kill its president.

I don't know the reason for its betrayal, but I'm sure it was treason.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TREXADRON
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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Long one...

DEAR NEIGHBOUR: Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text, & I can't live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this. The truth is that, when you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day & night. In fact, probably much more than you.
I haven't been getting it at home recently, & I know that that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology & forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage, & I'll pay you. Regards, Richard

NEIGHBOUR'S RESPONSE: Fred, feeling very angry & betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, & shot Richard, killing him. He went back home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink & sat down on the sofa and calmed down. Fred then looked at his phone & discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.

2ND TEXT MESSAGE: Hi, Fred.
Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out & noticed that the darned Auto-Correct had changed "wi-fi" to "wife".
Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doogsie125
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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Not a dad, but I laughed at my own joke for at least 5 minutes.

Walking out of a hardware store with my friend he sees a new Coke brand refrigerator. He says,

"My dad tried to get one like that but he couldn't find one. They don't sell them to just anyone"

I immediately responded,

"Yeah you've gotta be a coke dealer"

Laughing ensued on my part all the way home while he just looked at me like I betrayed him. I'm assuming that means it was a perfect dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LUMPYromero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
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My dad just owned me in a facebook message rap battle.

First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:


Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...

Father: You say we are weak

that our rhymes are the worst

Just remember my lad that we were here first

Rap didn't begin right now with your gang

It started with ours and came out with a bang

That we can't rap - on Twitter you say

o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute

Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here

Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare

I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree

Just remember my apple you fell from this tree

Me: I honestly have no words.

Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?

Me: Color me impressed.

Father: Is that green?

Me: Stop while you're ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 197
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegitMidgit
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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