He committed traisin.
Judas Isacarrot.
Ham-let
It was hung out to dry.
it would be treason.
MOO-FASA
Because her partner was having a laissez-faire.
I am r/outoftheloop
"get the hell outta here"
Soviet.
They get thrown out of the Windu
I'm a server at a restaurant and we were busy.
I walk up with 4 drinks and set them on a tray.
Me: I'm taking this tray, hopefully no one's using it.
Other server: well it's yours now....
Me: sorry, didn't mean to be-tray you...
Treeson.
I handed her the dictionary.
I feel betrayed.
Because that would be treeson.
Dic-traitor
But do you hear me complaining about it?
"It 2, Brute?" I had asked.
Your thots will betray you.
would that crew member be hoisted by his own Picard?
Treeson
No matter how many friends you have, one will always be anemone.
Beneduck Arnold
Today I have outdone myself. When asking my sister how her day went, she said that she learned how to cook an omelet today and she said she did really well on it. I then said "next time, omelet you cook breakfast." I swear the look of disgust on her face could turn milk sour, and I couldn't be any prouder of myself.
Just pretext: "un ลuf" in french means "an/one egg".
French Teacher: Why do French people only eat one egg per day max?
Response: Because one egg is un ลuf. (sounds similar to enough)
It may not seem very funny, but with the right prenunciation, this dadjoke is a killer vocally.
DEAR NEIGHBOUR:
Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door.
I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text, & I can't live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this.
The truth is that, when you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day & night. In fact, probably much more than you.
I haven't been getting it at home recently, & I know that that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology & forgive me.
Please suggest a fee for usage, & I'll pay you.
Regards, Richard
NEIGHBOUR'S RESPONSE: Fred, feeling very angry & betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, & shot Richard, killing him. He went back home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink & sat down on the sofa and calmed down. Fred then looked at his phone & discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.
2ND TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi, Fred.
Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text.
I expect you figured it out & noticed that the darned Auto-Correct had changed "wi-fi" to "wife".
Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.
Walking out of a hardware store with my friend he sees a new Coke brand refrigerator. He says,
"My dad tried to get one like that but he couldn't find one. They don't sell them to just anyone"
I immediately responded,
"Yeah you've gotta be a coke dealer"
Laughing ensued on my part all the way home while he just looked at me like I betrayed him. I'm assuming that means it was a perfect dad joke.
I don't know the reason for its betrayal, but I'm sure it was treason.
First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:
Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...
Father: You say we are weak
that our rhymes are the worst
Just remember my lad that we were here first
Rap didn't begin right now with your gang
It started with ours and came out with a bang
That we can't rap - on Twitter you say
o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute
Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here
Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare
I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree
Just remember my apple you fell from this tree
Me: I honestly have no words.
Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?
Me: Color me impressed.
Father: Is that green?
Me: Stop while you're ahead.
