What did Death begrudgingly tell Jesus before his resurrection?

"Oh, get out of my scythe!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubbergnome
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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My young daughter begged me to play as a horse. I begrudgingly agreed...

I didn't really want to be a neigh sayer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsterbash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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I'm a 4ft tall meteorologist on prime time TV and I get sick regularly.

I've been under the weather for several years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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So this might have been posted before but...

A boy was in love with a girl. Madly in love. He told his older brother, who suggested he ask her to the upcoming prom. So, that night, he went to her house with some flowers and chocolates and asked the girl to the prom.

She was overjoyed. She took the flowers and hugged him around the neck. When he went home, his brother told him he had to get ready. Prom was in only a week!

The next day, he traveled to a suit store. He picked out the perfect one. It would go perfectly with his date’s dress. He picked his up and went to check out. Unfortunately, it seems a lot of people were buying suits, as the line nearly went out of the store. He groaned, but anything for his love. After two long hours, he finally got his suit.

A couple days later, his brother suggested that he rent a limo. He and his brother went to rent one that evening. When they arrived, they discovered that there were nearly 50 people waiting to rent a vehicle. They waited for nearly three hours, but they were finally able to rent a limo for the big day.

The afternoon before the dance, he went to buy some flowers for his date. Unfortunately, the store seemed to be having a sale, and the checkout lines extended into the parking lot. He stomped his foot. β€œWhy is it that every time I go to buy something, everyone else wants to buy it too?!” He begrudgingly waited for nearly four hour before walking out with a bouquet of roses.

That night, he rode in the limo to his date’s house. She got in, and they talked the entire trip. He presented her with the flowers, which she adored. Her dress was stunning, and went perfectly with his suit.

They arrived at the school and got out, arms linked. They walked inside, said hi to a couple of friends, and began dancing and enjoying the night.

About halfway through the dance, the boy was parched. He told his girl that he was going to get a drink. He walked over to the snack table and discovered that there was no punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohihatethesepants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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Got the wife at dinner last night.

What's a parrot's favorite vegetable?

BRAWK-olli.

Many groans and begrudging smiles were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crepusculi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
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Dadjoked my lecturer

The whiteboard is always a mess from the previous class and every week my lecturer has been getting more and more annoyed that the previous guy doesn't clean the board after use.

This morning as he begrudgingly stepped towards the board he sighed and asked the heavens, "when will be the day that I stop having to wipe this board?"

I said to him, "I think the writing's on the wall Professor."

I got one cackled laugh amongst many groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grayworks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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Fiance got me good while doing arts & crafts. One day he'll make a great dad.

We're getting married in less than 2 weeks and I was cutting out paper hearts for our flower girl to throw. The hearts are made out of music paper and newspaper (representing the careers we're in).

Once we had finished cutting, the fiance picks up a newspaper we had cut some hearts out of and examines it closely.

He turns to me and very seriously says, "You know, this story has a lot of holes in it."

Cue groan and begrudging chuckle. I think I picked a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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Mustard meeting? Dadjoked my coworkers yesterday.

Coworker: I need to schedule a 'catch up meeting.'

Me: You should schedule a mustard meeting too.

Groans and begrudged laughs followed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/light_pipe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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Dinner Dadjoke

Having Indian food with good flatbread.

Me: "I'm glad we didn't have the bread for an appetizer tonight."

Family: "What, why?"

Me: "Would have been a total Naan-starter..."

Much eye rolling and begrudging groans followed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mountainwalker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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Dad joked during the Olympics

While watching the closing ceremonies for the Olympics, my dad says

"Do you think that in Ukraine, they call their heads 'ukrainiums'?"

Begrudging groans were had by all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anivepairofears
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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