Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.
My wife threatened to leave me over my bad sense of direction... I beat her to it though.
I packed up my stuff and right!
The old beat up sneaker asked his lace if he would make it through the run. The old lace replied
How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
Why did the torn piece of paper beat the regular piece of paper in a fight
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
How do you beat Minecraft?
How did the octopus beat a shark in a fight??
Jersey Mike's can't beat an actual pizza place
I just beat a black belt at karate....
My next challenge is a green sock.
What do you call an iguana that does poetry to a beat?
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer employee that beat up a Duracell employee?
He got charged with battery.
A lumberjack beat me in a game of chess
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
Did you hear about the guy who went into the Everglades, found this huge sea-cow thing and beat it to death with the oar of his boat?
They're prosecuting him for crimes against a manatee.
When I was a kid, my Dad used to beat me with a camera...
I still have flashbacks...😩
Did you hear about the guy who beat up a lollipop?
He gave it a good licking.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Why can’t Superman beat Dracula?
Because he can’t go to the Krypt Tonight.
(I’ll see myself out)
Al Gore Beat-Boxing
What do you call Al Gore beat-boxing/rapping?
An Al-Gore-Rythm 😁
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---
What do you call a boxer that got beat up?
I want to beat him up too
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
What did Liam Neeson say when Obi Wan beat Qui-Gon in a light saber duel?
During the riots the other day, a person was beat up by six dwarfs.
We can't let 2020 beat us.....
How does paper beat a rock?
even the united states military had a hard time winning against a rock.
My friend challenged me to a hang gliding race, and he got angry after I beat him.
My clippers ran out of juice half way through shaving so I started to beat the heck out of em...
How did the speed runner beat the world record on hair stylist simulator?
Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:
"No it's not, it's MUNday!"
The apprentice has now become the master.
So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isn’t a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:
What do you call it when you beat a clansmen in a fight?
It's that beat that makes you pump your bum
Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Not to brag, but I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Not to brag, but I beat the local chess champion in less than 5 moves yesterday.
Finally my high school karate lessons came of some use.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
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