What four-letter name, read backwards, can be any number of letters?

>!Liam!<

(courtesy of the USA Today crossword)

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeremymia
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2022
🚨︎ report
I didn't use to be afraid of clowns, but then I read a Stephen King novel.

That was It.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I read today that defibrillators are going to be required for all public buildings...

Truly shocking news.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I thought this book I've just bought about farming would be a nice simple read..

But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Just read that FED X are merging with UPS and now will be known as....

FED UP.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
This, no joke, might be the best pun I’ve ever read
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nu24601
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
"Don't touch" has to be one of the most terrifying things to read in Braille
πŸ‘︎ 560
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coleslaw840
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Recently read that IBS can be hereditary.

Runs in the family.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/draconic86
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Wuntu is the name of the app and can be read as "want to"
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grisolent
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Might be the best pun I’ve ever read
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nu24601
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Sign on the Baker’s Door Read when She Wanted to be Alone?

Donut Disturb.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boop66
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I think there should be a summer reading program for kids urging them to read before going outside to play in the water. It could be called...

"Prose Before Hose"

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Redditor_PC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Incredibly, every time when you read this joke, the punchline will always be different.

different.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flumanchu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I love to read my dad posts from this sub. He says I'll be a great dad.

This picture says otherwise.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jack-of-the-woods
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new tattoo because I wanted my friends to be able to count on me. It read:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisCGCToo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day I read a Garfield cartoon where he takes a vindaloo to court for being too spicy...

... never thought I'd see a cat sue curry.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slatersays22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2022
🚨︎ report
Reading a book πŸ“• about the history of metal fasteners… thought it was going to be boring…

But each page is so riveting

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A selfie stick

An older guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Check it out, I got a 'selfie' stick for my cellphone," he tells the bartender. "What the heck did you do that for? You're not a 12 year old girl," the bartender asks. "Because now I can finally hold my phone far enough away to actually be able to read my text messages....."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2022
🚨︎ report
At first I thought Santa was being too harsh when criticizing Rudolph's writing skills. But then I read the essay myself and discovered Santa was right:

Grammar got run over by a reindeer.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.

Seven days later, they got together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from my Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I grabbed my holy water bottle, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb! The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, '"WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle holy water! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to the bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down the hill until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!"

The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in bed in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OlderFLDude7
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2022
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a bee and a recalcitrant donkey?

The bee makes the honey and the donkey takes the whacks.

(This would be better heard than read)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legitsnit
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2022
🚨︎ report
After reading this you might be an aware-wolf
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/straight-boomin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I might be reading too much into it
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DizzyCrabb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Reading maps is such a pain in the ass, but id be lost with out it
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/averagepenisman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Dance like no one is watching

but text, post and email like it will be read in court one day.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imhal9K
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Cleverly made
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
[Be sure to say this out loud while reading] Two olives are sitting on a branch

One falls off, the one still on the branch asked β€œare you OK?”

The one the ground said β€œI’ll live”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NaturallyFrank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Reading to my 5 year old the other day when this picture came up, and my wife said β€œhe must be dropping a log.” I think I’ve trained her well.

https://i.imgur.com/gCd9CRy.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/USMC0317
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Here’s why I hate being left on read

Thank you

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Allalovesmemes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Prepping to be a good dad

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and settles down to study a book. "What are you reading?" the bartender asks. "It's a guide to learning to speak Russian," the guy replies. "I've been studying hard because I really want to get fluent." "Well good for you. What made you decide to learn Russian?" the bartender asks. "Well the wife and I just adopted a baby from Russia," the guy replies. "And I figure he's going to start talking in about a year, and we just want to be able to understand him."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2022
🚨︎ report
A newlywed couple was on vacation when they heard about a famous prophet who lived in the hills...

They were told by their hotel concierge that he always spoke the truth and could tell them their future, so, filled with curiousity, they went to see him. As they approached the hut, they noticed a terrible smell coming from inside but they pressed on.

The old man was sitting in a chair, with casts on both legs. "What do you want from me?" the prophet called out. The couple then realized the source of the foul smell... It was the old seers breath! "He must never brush his teeth," they both thought.

Undaunted, they replied, "oh wise prophet, we are newly married and were told that you could read our future!"

The prophet answered, "Oh yes. Just like my hands are rough and hard from my many years living on the land, and my legs are so weak that they've broken just by stepping into my hut, so shall your lives together be! Rough, hard, weak, and broken! Now be gone!"

With that, they returned to their hotel. The concierge asked them how their visit with the prophet was. They told him they were pretty dissapointed and felt like he wasn't all he was cracked up to be. The wife especially was unimpressed. "He was uncaring, weatherbeaten, weak, and his breath stunk too!!!"

The concierge answered...

"Well, I guess thats what you get from the SuperCallousedFragileMysticVexedWithHalitosis!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thehumantim
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2022
🚨︎ report
I'm supposed to be reading a book in school about the history of glue...

...but I just can't pick it up.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RyGuyTheGingerGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Why is it so important the word waffle starts with a W?

Because if there was no W it would just be awful. (needs to be said not read)

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aelbaum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2021
🚨︎ report
This is the plot of 1984.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pharan_x
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater
πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Be careful when reading the Bible on your cell phone.

You don't want to have to pay Roman charges. It could lead to some bad Acts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
🚨︎ report
A pregnant woman needs to get her tooth removed.

She asks a women's forum about tips and any possible side effects, being quite worried as this is her first child, she's very late into being pregnant and etc. A couple of hours later she receives a reply, and, with shaking hands, starts to read it: "I had a friend who was in the exact same position as you, and she decided to get her tooth removed. All should have been fine, but, there was a side effect: when the baby was born, it had no teeth."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GameOfShadows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A Jelly Bean, Skittle and an M&M go to a party

But at the door there was a sign saying no chocolate allowed. M&M hesitates.

"Hey guys, I might skip this one. I'm a chocolate. I'll catch you guys later" Skittle and Jelly Bean protest. "Nah man, you'll be fine, you're candy on the outside. Come in with us, it'll be fun!" Says his cousin Skittle. "Yeah, if anyone has a problem with you, we'll look after you" says Jelly Bean.

M&M decides he will go in, encouraged by his friends. They all have a good time, and no one mentions anything about M&M being chocolate on the inside.

The night is going well then suddenly the front door bangs open and in walks Vick and his gang of vapour drops. The party goes quiet as Vick surveys the room. His eyes stop on M&M.

"What the fuck are you doing M&M? Can't fucking read the sign? No chocolate allowed."

"But I'm candy on the outside, it's OK, right guys?" Protests M&M weakly. Jelly Bean and Skittle back off into the shadows, leaving M&M by himself.

" I think we need to teach this smart ass chocolate a fucking lesson, let's take this outside." Says Vick.

The vapor drops grab M&M and drag him outside and start beating him up, cracking his shell through to his chocolate. The gang walk away leaving M&M barely conscious on the lawn.

The next day in hospital, Jelly Bean and Skittle come to visit their friend, feeling bad for him. "Why didn't you guys stick up for me?" Asks M&M. "Man, you know Vick, there was nothing we could do, he's fucking menthol."

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sellywin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you ever thought "Do Not Touch"

Must be the most terrifying thing to read in braille...

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjdubs45
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I need puns to torture my friends with

Hey all! I enjoy reading a good (actually really bad) pun because I then get to share it with my nearest and dearest friends. However, I've been running into a lot of the same puns when looking some up. Hoping you wonderful folks would be willing to share your best (worst) puns with me

:)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I never thought The Bumper Book of Farming would be such a difficult bedtime read.

But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.