I asked the librarian where the books on engine lubricants were.
She said they were in the non-friction section.
I’m reading a horror book in Braille. Something bad is going to happen…
I was reading a book when my 5yo cousin asked "why is that book so thick?"
Then i told him "its a long story"
I’m writing a book on “Reverse Psychology.”
A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?"
“It rings a bell but I don’t know whether it’s here or not.”
How many books fit in an empty backpack?
One because then it’s not empty anymore
Source: My 5 year old daughter
Why did I color my book red?
From My Very Punny Dad, the children's book full of puns
Last week a Florida school district expanded their book ban to include the dictionary, so you now won't find them in the library
>!Journalists reached out to some affected librarians for comment, but they were lost for words...!<
>!please note that I know this joke is slightly misleading, dictionaries have not actually been banned (yet), but here's an!< article >!(and yes this linked article's heading is slightly misleading)!<
I showed the cops camera footage of a man stealing a Stephen King book, but they're not going to press charges.
In the end, he got away with IT.
Back to school pun! (from My Very Punny Dad children's book)
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
But somebody ripped out the appendix.
My wife booked us a table at a restaurant called The Manhattan Project.
I asked her if it's a fusion restaurant. She blew up at me.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue.
My wife: Why don’t you stop telling terrible dad jokes and write a book instead’
Me ‘Oh, that’s a novel idea
I wrote a book about falling down the stairs
It's a step by step guide
What do you call a book-club stuck on the same book for years?
Why was the math book a terrible therapist?
It had too many of its own problems to solve.
Why astronaunts use MacBook and not Windows?
Because you can't open windows in space.
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available. She looked up and whispered
“They’re right behind you”
I want to write a book showcasing the most excellent home basement storage rooms. I believe the book would do well.
It would definitely be a best-cellar.
Saw a building made out of books
It was several stories high
Why was the maths book sad?
Because it has so many problems.
I ordered a book titled “How to scam people”.
What do you call someone who rips up books?
When I was young, I had a little black book full of girls’ phone numbers…
Now that I’m old, I still have a little black book, but it’s full of my doctors’ phone numbers.
- From my dad (RIP Big Bob)
My Christian father would sometimes smack me with his holy book
He called it "the Bible belt".
I ordered a book called "How to scam"
I ordered it 4 months ago, and it isn't Here yet
My relationship with a comic book collector didn't turn out well
In the comic books Barry Allen can pass through solid objects by vibrating his body at super speed. But in the latest Justice League movie there's a scene where Barry Allen shatters a glass window despite vibrating at super speed
I suppose it's because windows no longer supports flash. Yeah.
How does Santa sort his books?
I’ve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if I’d just written in on paper.
A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...
Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.
If you write an entire book using a Ouija board, you get all the credit...
Since it was technically written by a ghost writer?
I wrote a book about how to build a better kind of basement in your home.
I have a book where I keep a track of all my closest friends
I went to the bookstore and asked, “Do you have any books by Shakespeare?”
Salesperson: Of course. Which one?
Me: William.
A conspiracy theorist went to the library to search for books about debunked conspiracy theories.
He found them exactly where he expected them to be placed.
I went to the library today too and asked the librarian where I could find the books about Paranoia
She said "They're right behind you!"
i saw this book named "How to solve 50% of your problems"
So i went ahead and bought two
A man has been arrested for publically masturbating while reading out loud from a law book, all the while imagining legal cases.
Though he got off on a technicality.
I read a book about the distinctions between male and female lions
but I can’t remember the mane point.
I am writing a book about reverse psychology.
I just wrote a book on Reverse Psychology
I'm writing a book on reverse pyschology.
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