I asked the librarian where the books on engine lubricants were.
She said they were in the non-friction section.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 11 2022
Iβm reading a horror book in Braille. Something bad is going to happenβ¦
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 06 2022
I was reading a book when my 5yo cousin asked "why is that book so thick?"
Then i told him "its a long story"
π︎ 374
π
︎ Sep 01 2022
Iβm writing a book on βReverse Psychology.β
π︎ 368
π
︎ Aug 05 2022
A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and SchrΓΆdinger's cat?"
βIt rings a bell but I donβt know whether itβs here or not.β
π︎ 195
π
︎ Aug 30 2022
How many books fit in an empty backpack?
One because then itβs not empty anymore
Source: My 5 year old daughter
π︎ 69
π
︎ Aug 25 2022
Why did I color my book red?
π︎ 178
π
︎ Jul 27 2022
From My Very Punny Dad, the children's book full of puns
π︎ 84
π
︎ Jul 20 2022
Last week a Florida school district expanded their book ban to include the dictionary, so you now won't find them in the library
>!Journalists reached out to some affected librarians for comment, but they were lost for words...!<
>!please note that I know this joke is slightly misleading, dictionaries have not actually been banned (yet), but here's an!< article >!(and yes this linked article's heading is slightly misleading)!<
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 24 2022
I showed the cops camera footage of a man stealing a Stephen King book, but they're not going to press charges.
In the end, he got away with IT.
π︎ 201
π
︎ Jul 09 2022
Back to school pun! (from My Very Punny Dad children's book)
π︎ 34
π
︎ Aug 16 2022
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
But somebody ripped out the appendix.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 23 2022
My wife booked us a table at a restaurant called The Manhattan Project.
I asked her if it's a fusion restaurant. She blew up at me.
π︎ 48
π
︎ Aug 03 2022
Iβm reading a book on the history of glue.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 03 2022
My wife: Why donβt you stop telling terrible dad jokes and write a book insteadβ
Me βOh, thatβs a novel idea
π︎ 67
π
︎ Aug 06 2022
I wrote a book about falling down the stairs
It's a step by step guide
π︎ 52
π
︎ Aug 07 2022
What do you call a book-club stuck on the same book for years?
π︎ 267
π
︎ Jul 10 2022
Why was the math book a terrible therapist?
It had too many of its own problems to solve.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 18 2022
Why astronaunts use MacBook and not Windows?
Because you can't open windows in space.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Aug 17 2022
My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.
It was an autobiographyβ¦
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 25 2022
I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available. She looked up and whispered
βTheyβre right behind youβ
π︎ 25
π
︎ Aug 30 2022
I want to write a book showcasing the most excellent home basement storage rooms. I believe the book would do well.
It would definitely be a best-cellar.
π︎ 68
π
︎ Jul 24 2022
Saw a building made out of books
It was several stories high
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jul 15 2022
Why was the maths book sad?
Because it has so many problems.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 03 2022
I ordered a book titled βHow to scam peopleβ.
It still hasnβt arrived.
π︎ 153
π
︎ Jul 16 2022
What do you call someone who rips up books?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 23 2022
When I was young, I had a little black book full of girlsβ phone numbersβ¦
Now that Iβm old, I still have a little black book, but itβs full of my doctorsβ phone numbers.
- From my dad (RIP Big Bob)
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 03 2022
My Christian father would sometimes smack me with his holy book
He called it "the Bible belt".
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 26 2022
I ordered a book called "How to scam"
I ordered it 4 months ago, and it isn't Here yet
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 07 2022
My relationship with a comic book collector didn't turn out well
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 31 2022
In the comic books Barry Allen can pass through solid objects by vibrating his body at super speed. But in the latest Justice League movie there's a scene where Barry Allen shatters a glass window despite vibrating at super speed
I suppose it's because windows no longer supports flash. Yeah.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Aug 16 2022
How does Santa sort his books?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jul 22 2022
Iβve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if Iβd just written in on paper.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Apr 13 2022
A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...
Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 26 2022
If you write an entire book using a Ouija board, you get all the credit...
Since it was technically written by a ghost writer?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 31 2022
I wrote a book about how to build a better kind of basement in your home.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 31 2022
I have a book where I keep a track of all my closest friends
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 09 2022
I went to the bookstore and asked, βDo you have any books by Shakespeare?β
Salesperson: Of course. Which one?
Me: William.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jul 29 2022
A conspiracy theorist went to the library to search for books about debunked conspiracy theories.
He found them exactly where he expected them to be placed.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 30 2022
I went to the library today too and asked the librarian where I could find the books about Paranoia
She said "They're right behind you!"
π︎ 40
π
︎ Jul 19 2022
I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises
With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?" she replied "It isn't in yet" I said "Yeah, that's the one!"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 23 2022
i saw this book named "How to solve 50% of your problems"
So i went ahead and bought two
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jul 10 2022
A man has been arrested for publically masturbating while reading out loud from a law book, all the while imagining legal cases.
Though he got off on a technicality.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 28 2022
I read a book about the distinctions between male and female lions
but I canβt remember the mane point.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 31 2022
I am writing a book about reverse psychology.
π︎ 498
π
︎ Jul 29 2022
I just wrote a book on Reverse Psychology
π︎ 59
π
︎ Aug 28 2022
I'm writing a book on reverse pyschology.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jul 29 2022
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