I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. Iβm glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.
No need to remind her every half hour.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...
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︎ Dec 24 2020
They say if you want to be a successful prospector, you shouldn't get a major in geology.
You should get a miner instead.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
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︎ Nov 23 2020
It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.
No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadnβt cleaned the house all year
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︎ Jan 01 2021
And just like that, 2020 won. Better start trainimg for the rematch in 12 months...it will be 2020 two.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
In our next Dnd campaign, the 4 heroes are all going to be singing wizards.
A regular bard-ershop quartet.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Just cost me a $1 to put air in my tyre, when before it used to be free.
I guess, that's inflation.
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︎ Dec 26 2020
Saw this on r/unexpected, thought it was funny so here we are :) Iβll be sure to add the link to the OG post in the comments incase you wanna see it
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What would Boba Fett be called if he was submerged in cheese?
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I'll be in the bathroom a little longer this morning...
Because I've been holding this in since last year. Out of the way!
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︎ Jan 01 2021
There as to be a bug in this logic
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Beauty School would actually be very easy to procrastinate in
Because it has make up exams.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
What would a car without any gas be called in Madagascar?
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My friend keeps saying βCheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.β
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︎ Oct 11 2020
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
What would a 'magical (chain)saw which can sprint' be called in the realm of Middle-Earth?
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My boyfriend told me as I walked in βhey donβt be alarmed but the toilet is smokingβ. Concerned, I walked into the bathroom and found this:
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︎ Sep 01 2020
A βdivineβ healer in his βmiracleβ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
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︎ Dec 06 2020
The youngest girl in our family wants to be a male semiconductor device for amplifying, controlling, and generating electrical signals when she grows up.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"
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︎ May 21 2020
Doctors who are always in a rush don't seem to be very successful.
I think it's the lack of patients.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
In Past, I used to be so confused about everything
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︎ Nov 11 2020
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I found what looked like a kitten frozen in my iced-over pool. I dug it out and let it defrost, it turned out to be a big squirrel.
I thought I thaw a pussycat.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side
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︎ Oct 26 2020
My said she wanted to be seen in something long and flowing.
So i t pushed her in to the river!
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︎ Sep 29 2020
Saw this in another sub needed to be here
Nurse: Doctor I took all the lung, kidney and heart donors and alphabetised them.
Doctor: Wow, thatβs very ORGAN-ized
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︎ Oct 26 2020
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
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︎ Oct 07 2020
With the increasing cases of Covid in America, I was worried there would be a shortage of paper towels.
But I found the grocery story to be Bounty full.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I'm going to be working on my next dadjoke over the next few days. In the meantime, I'll keep u posted.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he wonβt do that.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Studying Chemistry at the moment, I just learned that Sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..
..It's an oxidant waiting to happen.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Dad: Son, did you know that if you, as an American, go into a bathroom in France you are no longer an American? Son: No, I didnβt. What would I be?
Dad: Youβre a peeinβ.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...
Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!
Robin: Sure thing, Batman!
A few minutes later...
Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What's a tery?
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Migratory birds can be fascinating. You often see them fly in "V" formation across the sky. On occasion you see that one side is longer than the other. It's a simple scientific explanation really.
There just happens to be more birds on that side.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
My hair used to be black, and now every day more white hairs keeps moving in. This makes me angry, and it makes me sad.
My hair is getting gentrified, and soon, I won't be able to afford it.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Next time this will be my order in bar for this year
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︎ Aug 24 2020
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
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︎ Apr 09 2020
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