B.e.f. Puns

Because they're all not 'C's.

Damn!

I just majorly fucked up.

Because no one would bet on a seahorse.

Happy No L!

‘yes but just to prove you’ve been paying attention I’d like you to recite the alphabet first’

So with his best effort the boy replies ‘A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z’

The teacher says ‘very good but what happened to the P?’

‘Well this took so long it’s running down my leg’

• a) Because it was crude oil
• b) Because it wasn't refined
• c) Because it was a real gas
• d) Because it wasn't reserved
• e) Because it liked to say, "What the shale?" f) Because it was kerobsene

My brother was recently deployed for the military, my dad likes to send him stuff to keep in touch. One day my father says,

"Son, remind me about the letters."

I respond "sure dad A, B, C, D, E, F, G....."

Edit: Punctuation (This is my first time posting anything on Reddit.)

Billy: "Dad!"

Dad: "Yes Billy, what's wrong?"

Billy: "How do I get good grades?"

Dad: "Well, Billy. To get good grades you have to B paying attention A lot and after Some time you will C that D time and F-ort you spent on homework actually payed off. and then you just have to do that until your E-gr parents can praise you for your hard work.

2 hours later.

Phone: Rings

Dad: "Hello!"

Billy: "So dad, how much money should I give to her?"

Dad: "To who!?"

Billy: "To a girl in my class. You said that to get good grades then all I had to do was to give her money. Attention says it will be fine with 20$, but I don't know."

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J/K no I don't.

My wife, 2 year old son, and I were traveling this past week and went through a drive thru for lunch. After finishing his meal, my son was trying to figure out what the bag said. Not being able to turn around and see what he is seeing, the following exchange took place.

Wife "Do you know what the letters are on the bag?"

Son "Yes!"

Wife " Tell me what the letters are"

Son "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!"

Me "Was that his first dad joke?"

Wife "He is definitely your son" and rolled her eyes.

Me: Say the alphabet backwards.

Dad: turns around with his back to me A b c d e f g.....

NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...

Because no one would bet on a seahorse.

No-el no-L

A, B, 💿, E, F, G..

Student: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, phosphorus, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Teacher: How did you say phosphorus instead of L, M, N, O, and P?

Student: Because phosphorus is EL-EM-EN-TAL P.

I received A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.

I'm missing the iron E.

but it skips b c d e f g h I j k l m n o and p

A B C D E F G H I ... JK