Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,
Aw this a while back and thought I’d recreate it
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye
Say hello to my . . . . MEME-AW
[Request] Need a terrible terrible just god awful pun
My girlfriend bet me I couldn't find a pun so bad that she'd tell me to shut up and fuck off and die. Naturally I want to prove her wrong. Any and all help is appreciated
Can't berr this awful pun
Complimented a friend on her musical knowledge today...
Me:
> I don't know how you find the time to listen to so many bands.
She replied:
> Yeah, I just have a lot of bandwidth.
Normally, I'm the one with the awful puns. I paused, saw her grin, and had to high five her.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says it's terminal.
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Awful dad jokes and puns...
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
did nt have enough karma for okbr so it goes here (that's why its just awful)
You’re Awful
As in you fill me with awe
Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
What do you get when you combine an awful hair style and a singer?
The guy running my town is awful. He doesn’t respond to phone calls because he only works after dark.
He’s a total night mayor.
Astronaut 1: Isthereaplacewecanhangoutafterwork?
Astronaut 2: Yeah, there’s a space bar right over there.
Astronaut 1: Great, wanna go after work?
Astronaut 2: Nah, not really; the drinks are great but there’s no atmosphere...
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...
I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.
I own the world worst theasaurous. Not only is it awful...
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
I have this idea for a takeaway restaurant which just sells dairy
My pet crow is awful at poker...
Teacher: Use the word ‘intermittent’ in a sentence.
I said: While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.
Settle a pun debate
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
Awful taste but great Exeggutor (Execution)
Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.
If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul
Not all Math puns are awful.
Knock knock it’s onomatopoeia
Onomatopoeia who you ask?
Please open the door, onomatopoeia my pants!
The alphabet is terrifying.
awful one but found it in a store so yum
I bought my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas this year.
It was just a stocking filler
Stop making awful new years jokes
Seriously, I've heard them for the entire decade so far.
I own the worlds worst thesaurus
Not only is it awful, it's awful.
What kind of bagel can fly?
Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?
He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
Where is the gym located at Hogwarts?
Just out the dumbbell door.
My mom told really an awful joke about concrete:(
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
I think it may be terminal
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it’s terminal
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it terminal
I have this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says it’s terminal.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says it's terminal.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
my doctor says it's terminal
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor says it's terminal.
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
The doctor says it's terminal
[At the restaurant] Her: This isn’t working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
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