If you eat beef, you automatically become accountable...

Because you’re now a steakholder

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cocomaybechanel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I've invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it gets within 4 inches...

DO NOT carry them in your back pocket.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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I think dads automatically gain access to a dadjoke reservoir the moment they become dads...

My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.

When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:

"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloudyWithRain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zalos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2016
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If you are wait-listed for a weight training course, do you automatically deserve an "A"?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hctibasiaixelsyd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
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[request] Pun Rating Questionnaire

Hello everyone! I am part of a team project from the Computational Linguistics department in Saarland University. We made an automatic pun generator and we want to test our system. The following questionnaire will ask you to rate punchlines. It's short and we hope you can get a giggle out of it. Thanks for your help (and please delete it if it goes against the subreddit rules).

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdTRNrncAZTemkojUBZytgevxXx5FJ5qh0kquZiirlaGioNPA/viewform

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lenakmeth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2017
🚨︎ report
I recently traded in my manual transmission car for an automatic.

It's been quite a shift.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comma-Kazie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Last night I accidentally superglued my thumb and forefinger together...

But don’t worry...it will be ok. πŸ‘ŒπŸ»

πŸ‘︎ 538
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I have a fear of automatic toilets.

They scare the crap out of me

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Manual or Automatic?
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avataraustin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, β€œHere are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

Push and Pull.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Get it..?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfoster14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Ha ha
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mask3dman805
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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Double pun.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MemaholicCreeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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OMG
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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heh fencing
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CartoonNet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Does this count as a pun?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wizartti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Poor guy
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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I'm not sure she can bear this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Why are dogs more likely to chase standard cars than automatic ones?

Because they’re stick

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic-Canuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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High maintenance
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eric-99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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I think this fits here better
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorLevi956
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
And there we have it
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the least spoken language on earth

Sign language

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mystic_Frost69
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss put one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom.

It scared the shit out of me

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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My wife she needed a smart man, so I went and got two degrees.
πŸ‘︎ 696
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyJelloJiggles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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A talking, mindreading ATM would be an Automatic Telling ATM Machine...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Synaps4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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I think I would actually do this
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fructophile69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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My brother wanted cold hard cash for Christmas. I think I delivered well
πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NJ2244
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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These ancient people are something!
πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Holiday_Volume
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Cold shoulder on a cannibal feast
πŸ‘︎ 213
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kikithegoth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If you don’t get this joke then your a boomer
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebekhaG
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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That's hot
πŸ‘︎ 173
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?

They’re all Manuel. (Cred to my actual dad)

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karnstan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
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What?
πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My son kept losing spitball wars at school. So i upgraded his straw to a semi-automatic...

By adding a paper clip

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
It's cold and dark outside, so I have drawn the curtains.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theMikethe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
When life hands you melons imgur.com/mesZnfs
πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Which would you like?
πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Boomer on the other side of the phone.
πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/recoro06
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Credit to u/RadaSTL
πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miriam9999
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Making the most out of a typo
πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddaannkk123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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β€˜Tis the season!
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Oh buoy
πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extrahub
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Little girlfriend
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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Harry Pot-ter
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePinkPanda205
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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I'll be Bach.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adragontype
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A Pun I Made In 5 Minutes On MS Paint... Merry Christmas!
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KLMkid10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate it when they do it. imgur.com/gIRYs7u
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hushphatak
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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Beanthoven.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Z3ROCOOL22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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