German pots in a lift

A while ago, I had a funny interaction when I called the lift to go to my flat. In it, a deeply apologetic clearly German neighbour. She had it absolutely filled to the brim with assorted pots and vases.

Standard greetings, "no worries", and found myself a corner in which to stand in-between pots. Queue the jazzy lift music.

"So, what are you? Some sort of pot dealer?"

"Nein! Diese are from a Freund!β€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WinterDeceit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2021
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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Before I start, I need to see if this thing works.

"Everyone named Michael stand up." Assorted people stand up "And that concludes the mike check."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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ALWAYS read the label!

Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ph00p
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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What kind of sub does a person with OCD like?

Assorted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VforViolin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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A Great Pun From My Six Year Old Daughter

We were leaving a pet shop that had the standard assortment of fish, lizards, birds, and hamsters and my daughter said she wanted a fish. We have two cats and I told her that might be a bad idea. I then added that the big problem with fish is that you can't cuddle a fish like you can with cats. She responded by saying "you can with a cuttlefish."

She probably watches too many nature shows.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mike-zane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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So, a miner and a chemist walk into a geology convention.

They approach a table displaying a wide assortment of rocks. The chemist points in the booth's direction and asks the miner, "Which is your favorite; cinnabar or cassiterite?" The miner thought for a moment and replied, "Either ore."

I'll see myself out.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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Can't let him live this one down.

Years ago, my father and his wife were stuffing whoppers, sour patch kids and other assorted candies into stockings. He turns to her and says in all seriousness, "Did you just fart?"

She says no, of course.

Dad: "That's funny, because I smell a whopper!"

Additional info if necessary - Whoppers are chocolate covered malt balls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototypexx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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Brewing a pun at work today.

I was working at the cafe today and the chef dropped off some assorted fresh muffins to sell that morning, when my friend picked one up and asked,

"As these friands?" I don't know, but we're not paying for them are we?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krs1one1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Oh my gourd...

My wife was ringing up a purchase at a craft store where the customer had purchased many fake pumpkins and other assorted decorative fruits for fall. As the customer unloaded her cart, the gourds kept piling higher, and my wife exclaimed, "I'm feeling a bit squashed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IBreakCellPhones
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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