What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

A sighborg.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 480
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, β€œA beer please, ..."

"... and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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A heavily armed man runs into an estate agent....Screaming....

Nobody move.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.

Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrendelBlackedOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What do you call an Italian with no arms?

Mute.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun

Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 622
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireseeker4him
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?

Single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swistiannt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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We are doing a jigsaw puzzle of the human anatomy, and I hid the upper arm.

Nobody else finds this humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedrabies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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A dog stole a skeletons left arm and left leg.

It’s ok, he’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NormallyWierd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a pool?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuttsMcGee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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An armed robber bursts into a store one day.

Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts β€œhand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”

Cashier 1: β€œWhat do we do?”

Cashier 2: β€œDo what he says, I think he means business!”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.

I call it β€œBest bets for vetting vets for vets”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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What do you call a dude with no arms and no legs who...

...hangs on a wall?

Art

...goes for a swim?

Bob

...sits on a porch?

Matt

...lies in a ditch?

Phil

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJknox09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?

A Farewell to Arm.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep.

She is infringing on my right to bear arms.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_OToole
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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I don't know if it's because I injured him or because he has an ice pack on his arm

but Joe has been giving me a cold shoulder ever since our last game

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GolemGaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Right to bear arms...
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bathpoopoo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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What do you call someone with one arm?

Hand Solo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseHugMyCat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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My son came home and said β€œDad, I broke my arm in 12 places.”

So I said, β€œWell, stop going to those places then!”

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rstein656
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Did you guys hear about the guy in that horrible car accident? Lost his left leg and left arm

Don’t worry, he’s all right now.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King-Calovich11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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How arm-azing
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whyizitwet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I can’t tell if he’s drawing snakes, mountains, teepee’s, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:

Clock’s a doodled doo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs and he’s floating in your pool?

Bob.

(It’s padre’s birthday and he just dug that one out of the depths of his memory...)

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueenDip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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My 7 year old brother lost his left arm in an accident

Dont worry, he's all 'right' now

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BurnedTatti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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My friend has no arms and loves to make jokes about it. They're never any good though.

He doesn't have a funny bone in his body.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swanbrother
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Why is this post similar to an infected arm?

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxygenatedair66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Just keep swimming guys
πŸ‘︎ 315
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I broke my upper arm falling down the stairs.

It's quite humerus if you think about it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Travisv36
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Why was the clock not worried after getting an arm amputation?

Because it had a second hand.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call karate for amputees?

Partial Arts.

πŸ‘︎ 442
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saurabhn24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?

He's finding it hard to deal with.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a cod under his arm...

He says to the bloke behind the counter,

β€œDo you do fishcakes?”

The man behind the counter nods his head and smiles.

β€œYeah mate.”

Customer points to the cod under his arm.

β€œBetter make him one then mate, it’s his birthday.”

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cromantica
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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What do you call a guy with one arm and one leg, who sits in front of your door?

Matt

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-sunnydaze-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates!

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dashoverkill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

A sighborg.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediMasterSeamus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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What do you call a deaf man with a robotic arm

Signborg

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmarGobara
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor and I told him I broke my arm in two places.

He said stop going to those places

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomthebomb9999
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a guy with no arms, no legs, to the wall?

Art.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littenbittentreb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm.

He shouts, β€œA beer please! And one for the road!”

πŸ‘︎ 523
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πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Big-Man-J
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A mime in my town was arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.

He still has the right to remain silent.

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jezreel62
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the sea?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m4cl3nn4n
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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