"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
"Swarm."
Not what you're thinking.
I don’t know but we’re getting warmer
“I do!"
So when we ask him how he's doing, his answer is "It's on the syllabus".
[deleted]
Ruff.
His question was, "Is 'buttcheeks' one word?"
"Or should I spread them apart?"
A subreddit.
Because you shouldn't press your luck!
Because they don't have pockets.
It would have made him a smart Alec.
I never got a straight answer.
I guess it goes without saying
What should I ask it?
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
My hand.
10+10=20 11+11=22
I've been living here for 274 years and seen nothing strange.
He just trailed off.
He doesn’t drink, it's just that he's really bad at crossword puzzles...
Gonnit
I told him that’s an outstanding question.
The teacher said it had to be specific
The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.
The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."
A mooborn!
Maybe my iPhone is just broken.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
The one you ordered first.
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”
The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”
“It’s to look at.”
I really have to make it count
You’ll just get Jurasskicked.
A radius.
Ruff.
