Anonyme Puns

I see a few new faces today and I must say I'm disappointed.

But all of their meetings take place during Happy Hour

They are a bunch of losers

I think I’m being stalked.

Because it's so brrr up there.

nah, i'll go tommorow.

Bet them 3 to 1 they couldn’t help me

I think they might be trying to groom me!

...it was a dry slope.

Not sure why they call it anonymous, I personally knew almost half of atendees there.

He was a Keno speaker

But they would't tell me where they met

A AA battery

All the seats were already taken.

She had a bad sleeping habit

Admitting you don’t have a problem.

but all the seats were taken.

I can't wait to tell myself all about it.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

I bet it's early-onset Alzheimer's.

Things aren't gonna get messy.

I now drink under a different name.

You might say he is a karma chameleon

Torpedo.

But the committee assured them it was just natural selection!

I guess I came too soon.

I went to a meeting and knew everybody there!

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.

I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

"I see a lot of new faces and I must say that I am very disappointed in all of you."

Needless to say, all the seats were already taken.

I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

Needless to say, all the seats were already taken.

I see a few new faces this week and I must say I’m disappointed.

I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd tonight and I just have to say I'm really disappointed

I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.

Step#1 admitting you don't have a problem.

...but all the seats were already taken.

...but all the seats were already taken.

I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm disappointed.