Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??

Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No-Dane-No-Gain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint.

Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow and she’s wanted to get a new cat (recently lost our old one), so my son and I got a cat from the animal shelter, put her gently into a large gift bag and brought her home. Before I could shut my driver door my son ran inside and ruined the surprise...

Can’t believe he let the cat out of the bag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5d2248650
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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Why can animal shelters be moved so quickly?

Because they only weigh one pound

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironfist221
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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I wish I had more time to work the animal shelter

They keep hounding me to come back in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxIIU2IIxX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
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My dad and I used to volunteer to "socialize" with the friendly cats at the animal shelter

"I like my cats how I like my women: desperate and incarcerated"

Edit: I told my dad I posted this here. He's happy about the upvotes but also mad because "MY JOKES ARE FUNNY, GOD DAMMIT"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggmarie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2013
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So I was at the Animal Shelter the other day looking at cats. All of a sudden, they all escaped!

What a Catastrophe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalvinMill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
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"I've come here to hand over this abandoned cygnet that I rescued and raised"

Animal shelter: "Nice swan".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eormada
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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[Request] Puns for spay/neuter veterinary surgery team.

Hello, I'm in Vet school and just can't seem to compete with some of my fellow students' surgery team names. As students, we work together to do spays and neuters for shelter animals. We like to use funny pun names.

Ideas that have already been taken: "Ovarian Cysters" "Dogtors at Your Cervix" "Eggs Ovary-Z"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilostpoints
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
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Pronunciation saves the lives of innocent wallets

My wife called me up from the animal shelter the other day wanting to adopt a dog. Since money is tight current, I specifically said "0 canine". Now I'm the proud owner of 9 German shepherd pups and will from now on pronounce "0" as "Zero".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JebusDuck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
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