They deemed it cool and amusable pun-ishment
At first I felt happy, but then I didn’t know what to think.
A Ferrous Wheel! :D
It must have been the delivery...
The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".
Everyone knows the interrupting cow knock knock joke but we like making up KKJs for other cows. Here are some of ours; please add more so I can continue to surprise and delight the young people near and dear to me. TIA!
(Obviously each joke goes "Knock knock" etc. I'll just write the "cow" part and the punchline)
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French cow: le moo
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Backwards cow: oom
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Upside down cow: woo
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Sad cow: moo hoo hoo
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Ghost cow: moo-oo-oo-oooo
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Police cow: moo ee oo ee oo ee oo
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Cow on a motorbike: (make zooming moo)
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Cow in disguise: Baa
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Horse in disguise: Moo
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Invisible cow: (quickly cover child's eyes) Moo
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Inaudible cow:
Being 6’1” I informed her that I would be home tall’ly. She was not amused. I was. You could hear the disappointment drip out of the phone. Victory
Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".
(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")
Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....
My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.
A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.
Hey, if you have time to TEEN, you have time to clean!
She was horrified, but wife was amused. Win win.
I went to an amusement park yesterday based on the Underworld. I had a hell of a time.
A fun guy.
"Well, this is Auk-World...."
My butler won't be amused though.
When you see the ferris wheel.
(Made this joke after a 10 minute argument with my 5 year old niece. She pointed out the ferris wheel and I kept saying "I know... the fair is real.")
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Must have been the delivery.
We always go left.
What do you call a stone with eyes?
Roxy
Identity theft is not a joke.
A carrot.
It was an emotional roller coaster
I asked if it would be ok if they gathered their swords instead. She was not amused.
So I started doing my best human beatbox impersonation.
"Yo! Yo! Presents in da hizzzzzzz!"
She wasn't as amused as I was.
First day of summer vacation, pack up the family and bring them to Canobie Lake Park, a local amusement park.
We all get on the Ferris Wheel and the listen to the instructions:
Operator: "Please keep you arms and legs in the cart at all times, remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop and please NO ROCKING!"
Me: "Awwww man, I was just abut to crank some AC/DC"
My family and the family in line behind us: ::audible groans::
I was just along for the rides.
Recently in my neck of the woods, we have been experiencing a cold snap. This morning, my wife set me up for a zinger.
Wife (dressing our 10 month old daughter): I don't know how to dress her.
Me: Shirt goes on the top half, pants on the bottom half.
Wife: No! I mean for the temperature!
Me: Oh! Honey I don't think the temperature cares what she wears today.
I just picture Dave Grohl riding the coaster car in his throne with his leg in a cast rocking out.
So I work at a pizza shop. This middle aged man, typical dad polo shirt, white New Balances, etc... comes in with his wife. They want subs. So my boss is taking their order. She asks him if he wants any cheese on his sub. He responds "yeah, that religious stuff". My boss looks up at him confused and says, "what?". I immediately jump in and say, "Swiss!" My boss looks even more confused. The guy is smirking and says, "yeah, the holy kind!" His wife lets out the biggest groan as him and I crack up. My boss just shook her head and walked away in disgust.
He sued them for funfair dismissal.
A Ferrous Wheel.
Yes. It's a ferrous wheel
The Ferrous Wheel!
I guess it was the delivery!
A ferrous wheel.
It must have been the delivery…
