44 Hilarious Alon Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

What happens when you're alone and freezing ?

You feel ice-olated.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Apr 02 2021

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The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me when I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

👍︎ 14k

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Aug 14 2020

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My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.

This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/FoxyCamoCat738

📅︎ Jan 24 2021

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Cows that travel alone?

Never herd of them!

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👤︎ u/TrueAidooo

📅︎ Jan 10 2021

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I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

👍︎ 13k

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👤︎ u/Superj89

📅︎ May 18 2020

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Why do you never see people running in Jeans alone?

Because Jeans run in a family

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👤︎ u/Br4ve_He4rt

📅︎ Jan 05 2021

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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bump…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster…

FASTER…

Bump…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

And…

The coffin stops….

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👤︎ u/ParadoxXSchock

📅︎ Nov 18 2020

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I was alone in the bath

Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!

👍︎ 83

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👤︎ u/knightysays

📅︎ Oct 05 2020

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Tired of online dating? You're not alone.

Oh, wait! Yes you are, that's why you are online dating.

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Dec 02 2020

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What do you say when anxious ideas won't leave you alone?

Begone, thoughts

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/jet_bridge

📅︎ Oct 28 2020

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If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..

I really need to borrow some chairs.

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👤︎ u/the_houser

📅︎ Nov 15 2020

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This guy just approached me and won’t leave me alone until I solve a trigonometry problem.

I don’t know what his angle is.

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👤︎ u/FinalCaveat

📅︎ Sep 10 2020

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What kind of vegetable would star in Home Alone?

A macauliflower

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👤︎ u/aakashrajaraman

📅︎ Dec 04 2020

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I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.

I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.

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👤︎ u/MGreenMN

📅︎ Nov 08 2020

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She was drinking alone so I went over to her and gave her my best pickup line...

She's apparently not a Ford F-series fan.

👍︎ 26

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Aug 01 2020

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What cheese likes to be by itself?

Prov-alone.

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/Sir_Pluses

📅︎ May 03 2021

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In my sleep I once dreamt I was sad and alone

Some would say I'm living the dream.

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👤︎ u/Puff_TheMagic_Dragon

📅︎ Jul 15 2020

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Man must not live by bread alone.

He must also have peanut butter.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/Scrubian-

📅︎ Oct 09 2020

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8 Year Old's Bee Pun - Proud Mom Moment

I was walking the other day with my son when he noticed a bee. I told him to leave it alone, to which he replied, "I'll be careful. Get it?! BEE!"

I was beginning to lose hope that he wasn't ever going to understand or appreciate puns! He's in the club now!

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👤︎ u/MedievalSpice

📅︎ Apr 15 2021

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This dog won't stop leaving me alone

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👤︎ u/Tristan_2032

📅︎ Jun 30 2020

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*Leave* it alone

👍︎ 5k

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👤︎ u/AGuyInInternet

📅︎ Feb 10 2019

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Home Alone

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👤︎ u/danarchist

📅︎ Jun 23 2020

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While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.

It’s my secret ‘stache.

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/kfizzle217

📅︎ Aug 10 2020

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I came out to my Car this morning, and it was completely covered in fallen leaves..

..you could call it an Autumnobile now !

👍︎ 193

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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2

📅︎ Oct 01 2020

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One alone can not, but two cat.

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👤︎ u/-_-STRANGER-_-

📅︎ Mar 02 2020

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I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish."

👍︎ 26

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👤︎ u/timthedriller

📅︎ Apr 15 2020

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I know it's bad but leaf me alone... you're the root of all my problems.

👍︎ 46

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👤︎ u/gaeboomering

📅︎ Feb 07 2020

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What do you call a cob that’s all alone?

A Uni-Corn.

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/-DemCheekss

📅︎ Jun 13 2020

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Physicians work alone, or in mid-sized teams

because two of them together would be a paradox.

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👤︎ u/Naitraen

📅︎ May 15 2020

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A man only plays his instrument when alone

Accordion to himself, he’s great

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/double_tap_00

📅︎ Feb 18 2020

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Why couldn't the criminal steal the money alone?

He was banking on his friends to do it

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/wasteofmytime2much

📅︎ Jun 20 2020

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Why did Bruce Lee feel so alone when no one was around?

Because he was Lone Lee

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/Monkey_the_dragon

📅︎ Jun 15 2020

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My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.

Personally I think that is just ignore ants.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/Ezemity

📅︎ May 31 2020

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Why can't elephants swim alone?

Because you need a pair of trunks to swim

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/td941

📅︎ May 25 2020

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I stole this, just leaf me alone

👍︎ 732

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👤︎ u/IUserThisName

📅︎ Mar 08 2018

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What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?

A babe-bee.

👍︎ 9

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👤︎ u/KMG2021

📅︎ Mar 23 2020

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What is a yankee?

Same thing as a quickie, but you do it alone.

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/Mother_Flerken

📅︎ Mar 05 2021

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I live alone on a lake

It's Erie.

👍︎ 3

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👤︎ u/Aladdinsdoppelganger

📅︎ Apr 28 2020

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I’m feeling very alone

Haven’t spoken to anyone this whole year

👍︎ 16

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👤︎ u/DatGuyDaz

📅︎ Jan 01 2020

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After a really bad experience with alcohol, I gave up drinking altogether.

Now I just drink alone.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/kdlaz

📅︎ Feb 18 2021

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Who else is self quarantining alone?

I am this close to naming my volleyball!

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/mylar321

📅︎ Mar 22 2020

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Do you know anyone who's going to be alone this Xmas ?

Please let me know....I need to borrow some chairs.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Nov 01 2020

🚨︎ report

The guy at the tuxedo store keeps hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

👍︎ 10k

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Mar 18 2019

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The tailor at the tuxedo store kept hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.

He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”

👍︎ 46

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 30 2019

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