Allotted Puns

A list of puns related to "Allotted"

My next door neighbour told me that every morning when he measures his allotment, it is a couple of inches smaller than the day before.

I think he is slowly losing the plot...

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👤︎ u/AustralianGroan
📅︎ Jun 05 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur that knows allot of words?

A Tyranothesaurus Rex

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👤︎ u/Dovahkiin6380
📅︎ Dec 12 2019
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Someone ruined my bit of land at the allotment

I lost the plot.

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👤︎ u/Sammy_Colon
📅︎ Jul 15 2019
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When you spin around in an allotment...

... that's a plot twist.

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👤︎ u/Sammy_Colon
📅︎ Jul 22 2019
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I tried to clear the weeds on my allotment by setting fire the to the patch with petrol

I've been told that I'm losing the plot.

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👤︎ u/nsefan
📅︎ Mar 03 2019
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I'm firing the man who looks after my allotment on mental health grounds

He's losing the plot.

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👤︎ u/ImprobabilityComplex
📅︎ Mar 02 2019
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I would like to thank my dad for teaching me the word "apportion".

It means allot.

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👤︎ u/timtip
📅︎ Oct 28 2020
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Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.

The plot thickens.

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👤︎ u/Freklred
📅︎ Apr 27 2019
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The words 'assign' and 'allocate' are very significant.

They both mean allot to me.

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👤︎ u/vyashole
📅︎ Aug 29 2016
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There's a scarcity of parking space in our vicinity but our premises are relatively big. So, I regularly help nearby companies by offering them a space for their cars on our grounds.

I allot a lot a lot.

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👤︎ u/unlucky_genius
📅︎ Mar 16 2018
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Card Pun

The day was raining like fish blown up by dynamite. The only jacket I had for the situation was fire Red with layered protection from such fish. I'm going to my college computer lab, trying to get my 24 hours of time in there done. It requires you to sign in with your student ID.

"May I see you card?" the teacher asks.

"Sure... So, how much time do I have allotted?" I asked after she signed me in.

"Huh? Oh, wait, sorry, can I see your card again? "

"Wait, I don't own a Cardigan"

Being an English teacher, she smiled and caught it quickly, "No, your card, but your jacket might suffice otherwise."

Edit: This might be too much setup for a stiff joke.

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👤︎ u/Dragonmind
📅︎ May 09 2015
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A joke for tutors and professors

My students are allot like pirates

Why?

Because they live out at C.

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👤︎ u/mikeBE11
📅︎ Nov 06 2013
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