Advice And Consent Puns

Good morning folks! This is my first post on here and I’m wondering if I can get some encouragement or advice on my current predicament. I apologize in advance for the Pauline epistle 😅🤣

A little bit about me: I am a pk/mk (pastor’s/missionary’s kid), an ENFP, and an enneagram 2. As a result I am working through my extreme lack of spiritual boundaries and privacy and my intense desire to people-please and perform.

Somewhere around my junior year in college, after my 3rd summer working at a Christian camp, I reached the end of my "spiritual rope." My summer's were filled with ultra Calvinist messages about God's dominance in your life cloaked in the name of Grace. The rest of the school years were filled with learning that Grace could mean rest and not doing anything to please God. Out of sheer exhaustion and because I could not longer see myself moving to a different country to spiritually colonize another community with a problematic brand of Christianity that does not recognize the marginalized in their presence (women, immigrants, LGBTQ+, the poor in their own cities and country, etc.) I put a stop to all my Evangelical involvements.

It's been almost two years since I left the pressures of having to perform or to be a leader or be expected to be a missionary. However, when ever I come home or catch up with people that knew me before this shift, they always ask what happened to my ardor?

Why don't I talk about traveling and of being a missionary?

Why don't I send out donation letters for my next campaign?

How can I tell them that so much of that was me acting out of unhealth? How can I say I don't want to do that because I know I can manipulate people and I loathe myself when I do that?

So I give another less deep answer and I say that I am focusing on paying off my student debt. Sometimes that's the end of the conversation, but most often it isn't.

Unfortunately I have been in hours long discussions over my choices and whether I am wasting my time or not doing God's perfect will/plan for my life. They talk about irrisistible grace and how God pursues us like a lover. This is where they lose me and where I get anxiety.

The way they describe God is like a stalker. They use sexual relationships to describe the spiritual and yet I see so much sexual disfunction in the Evangelical church. I can't separate what they are trying to say spiritually with what they are saying relationally/sexually. I just hear alarm bells. NO CONSENT! YOU HAVE NOT

Hello all,

I have been with my partner now for 4.5 years. About a year in we experienced an event that left me with PTSD which brought on intense insomnia. After trying many different combos of pills and therapy I finally found that taking 20 mg of Paxil every night at bed was my golden ticket to restful sleep.

I have always been kind of an active sleeper, moving around a lot and talking sometimes. It all started out when I woke up one morning and my partner told me I rolled over and grabbed his penis in the middle of the night. He said it turned him on but when he went to engage me it was evident I was passed out and so he just rolled over and masturbated/fell back asleep.

More and more frequently instances like that would occur, evolving further into me grabbing his face and kissing him, having full blown coherent conversations. I never remembered any of this when I woke up.

Then I started waking up to us engaging in sexual acts. Vaginal and oral penatration. I would snap too and be heavy in the midst of the act, enjoying myself. Partner swears I engaged or gave consent in some form every time but I do not remember.

Then there came a time where we engaged in a sexual act that I did not come too during or remember that I did. My partner was talking about it the next day with me and I was just like, wait.. what? He swears I was cohereng and engaged, eyes open even. We both agreed at that point that me not recalling this stuff the next day put both of us in an uncomfortable situation that we did not want to be in and that after I take my sleeping pills that all bets are off for sexual activity for the rest of the night.

Seemed all and well, until one day he tells me we had sex the night before. I did not remember. He apologized for breaking the rule and that he had an entire coherent conversation before anything happened. I wasnt particularly upset but told him we really should try and stick too it no matter how aware we seem.

Last night I came too during a sexual act. I heard him pleading "say or do anything that lets me know you want it" i was moaning and groaning. We engaged and he finished and I went back out, snapped back a few minutes later pants down and I went to the bathroom.

He hasn't acknowledged it. I am wondering if I even should..

I am really confused. What can I do if I am giving unaware consent?? If I seem alert and awake? Has anyone ever experienced this before? I dont want to stop the medication it really, really works

If so, what would the legal outcome and political ramifications be?

  Ok. So just a little info. My wife had her own hsa insurance plan for just herself. No co-pays, low premium, high deductible, and was responsible out of pocket for everything her insurance didn't cover. Her single coverage premiums biweekly were $16. But if she had any dependents then that number would skyrocket to almost $200 for one dependent and then closer to $400 for family. 

  I had insurance for myself. I had co-pays, higher premiums, lower deductibles and never got billed for anything since I had a copay. My single coverage premiums were $20 weekly and to add a dependent went up to almost $60 a week. So it just made sense to us that I would cover our children on my insurance when that time came. 

 We had our first child and had zero problems when it came to adding her to my insurance. One year and nine months later when we had our second child is when we encountered a major problem. I don't even remember the exact moment when we caught it but found out that my wife's insurance had added my second daughter to her insurance. My wife did not even attempt to add her to her insurance cause it was understood that I was already doing so. Nor was my wife even asked if that is what she wanted to do from her insurance company or her employer. I do however remember the hospital asking us about insurance. I told them to send us a bill and that I would have to get them the info because we haven't even left the hospital yet. We were released 48 hrs after time of birth. But I remember the hospital saying something about the first 30 days would be on my wife's insurance. Which was not the case. I knew that I had 30 days from date of birth to add a dependent under change of life clause since it wasn't time for open enrollment. At the time I was feeling like a pro since this was my second go round. 

  So now what is happening is that when my wife's insurance added my daughter it  raised her premiums and doubled her deductible. We were really counting on her to reach her deductible since she had already gone to so many appointments through the year and when her hospital bill from having the baby came through a lot of that would be covered and we wouldn't have to come out of pocket as much as we did with the first child. Her insurance paid some of my newborns hospital bill and my wife had received bills in the mail for my daughters stay. While all that is going on my daughter was also covered on my insurance from date of birth. These bills hav

New kink account here.

So, the other night, I told my boyfriend that I wasn’t in the mood to be slapped in the face during a scene. Everything else was ok, including chest-slapping, spanking, and being pushed around, but for some reason, I wasn’t feeling face slapping. Of course he agreed and everything went by as normally.

During one moment he had his hand on my cheek while I faced him. I forgot exactly why, he had it there, but I know it was apart of what we were doing. Then, he just barely tapped my cheek with his fingers. I thought nothing of it until he quickly took his hand off my face, got upset, ended the scene. He apologized to me and hugged me, thinking he had violated my consent over the whole face slapping thing. I appreciated his caution but I definitely didn’t see that as a consent violation, it wasn’t a slap at all. It was a small finger-tap/pat against my face. I told him exactly that and everything seemed ok until a bit later. He is still upset over it and feels like shit. He is afraid to do another scene with me. He says that he knows he didn’t slap me but the tap was done out of the habit of stroking my cheek and slapping me. I don’t really think much of that. It’s whatever, as he didn’t actually hit me.

I love him a lot and I don’t want him to beat himself up over this. Do you guys have any insight for me? How can I help reassure him? Or, alternatively, am I missing anything? I just don’t quite understand, and I would like some insight on what he might be thinking and what I can do to make it better. I definitely do not think he violated my consent. Thank you for reading.

Hi all,

So I recently completed some sub-contracting work for a large organisation I used to work for a few years ago. The terms were agreed before the job was undertaken that payment would be cash, cheque, or direct bank transfer subject to my invoice being sent through.

After completing the job and before I sent off my invoice I received a letter from the company with a copy of a 0 hour contract and 'welcoming me to the team' as a casual employee. I called them and told them I wont be signing the contract, this is not what was agreed before the job was taken. I was then told that "this is the only way you will get paid." Obviously I had messages stating the agreed payment conditions so they asked me to leave it with them and they would sort it out.

I then sent in my invoice and heard nothing back. Fast forward 6 weeks and I have been paid the incorrect amount. So I called and asked why the amount was different from the invoice and I was told they will send me out a payslip outlining hours and pay etc. So this set off alarm bells, surely only employees get a payslip and I haven't signed a contract or consented to being on payroll.

As it stands they won’t let me send the money back, nor will they notify HMRC that they paid me via payroll in error. Where do I stand here? They have employed me as a casual employee without my concent, put me on payroll without my consent. I didn’t even give them my national insurance number, they have just taken it from when I used to be employed by them. Have they illegally used my data and entered me into a contract without my consent? Not sure what to do here but I am absolutely furious they completely ignored my requests, my invoice and just went ahead and did what they wanted without my permission.

Am I legally employed now as well as self-employed?

Thanks in advance for your help and advice.

How much has the Senate's role in Presidential appointments changed since Washington?

Last night my boyfriend and I did anal for the first time. He was on top and I was on my back. Shortly after entering, it became really painful—not enough lube, not enough preparation, too fast. I begged him to stop and kept trying to push him off (he is a huge man). However he kept going. He kept saying no, it’s normal to hurt, you just have to tough it out. I kept saying please, but he would not stop until he accidentally slipped out.

It was incredibly painful and I feel like my trust has been compromised. I did not throw out our safeword, mainly because we don’t consistently practice BDSM (a narrative every couple months or so). This was not discussed as a scene. I just don’t know how to feel about the situation or how to approach it with him.

Edit: Thank you all to the moon for your responses and compassion. I did raise the issue to him a little while ago.

Hi!

I recieved a parking fine for being parked in a hotel car park (I was staying in the hotel) in May 2018. Recieved the fine and appealed with evidence of my stay and lost. Appealed with POPLA who also upheld the fine. No other correspondence was recoeved following this decision.

In July 2018 I left the address, re-registering my vehicle and voter reg to the new address. I had an informal post forwarding arrangement with remainig teanants. They stated no letters recieved when asked on a few occasions.

Discovered last week during a credit check that a CCJ was issued in August 2019 for the PCN. Contacted claimant and acknowledged claim and aggreed to pay reduced amount of £195 immediately and they in turn agreed to provide a signed consent order.

They have posted this to the incorrect address, receipt for payment was recieved at new address, and I have chased getting it sent via email and post to my new address.

Seeking advice on what exactly to include in my application to have the judgement set aside? I can provide copies of my tenancy agreement showing when my new tenancy began and had therefore not received the court judgement sent to my previous address. Can also provide evidence in the form of the receipt for payment that as soon as I became aware of the CCJ I made efforts to settle.

Is there anything else to include? Anyone have any experience who could advise on likely siccess of aplication? Thanks

Can a mother of a 6 year old and 5 year old child leave the country in which the children were born without the father's consent or knowledge? The country that she would be leaving to would be where she is a citizen. The children are not citizens of this country. In this scenario, the mother is scared for her and her children's lives. The mother has proof(audio recordings) of domestic violence towards her (psychological) and proof of threatening to kill her. There is also audio proof of psychological abuse towards the children. There is no proof of physical abuse but it did occur countless of times. A witness(myself, her third son) can testify to this in court if necessary.

The country in which the mother and children are residing right now is extremely in favor of men and women have almost no rights there. Seeking help from local police/whatever useless agencies are there is NOT an option.

The country that they are residing in is Kuwait, if that helps.

I graduated high school early a few weeks ago at Christmas (yay me!). Working full-time and I'm out to a few friends but I really would like to start transitioning now that I am out of school. Social pressure was a lot for me and this was my big leap to the next step.

If I were to start HRT immediately it would give me approx 6-7 months to have estrogen floating around my body before I go to college. I would love to present female in college (I'm MtF). However, I could also wait a year for college. I am still relatively undecided about what I would like to major in, and even what school I wish to go to. I am accepted to a couple schools for this year already but would appreciate the time to transition more and discover more about myself, as well as save more money for college.

Is it a feasible idea to consider postponing college until next year? I am still thrilled at the thought of higher education but having an extra year of quality me time would definitely help my social life in college I feel. Any experiences or stories welcome.

I also need to find a place to obtain HRT! I will be turning 18 next month so informed consent is an option. My parents are accepting and would help me with this step regardless of if I was 18 or not. However, I live in a small town and do not have access to superb clinics. I am willing to travel if necessary but South Dakota does not look like it will treat me well in this regard. I'm curious to know what other midwesterners have done for their necessary treatment.

Thanks all!!

This is in backwoods rural South Carolina, no less. Gives me such hope!

Edits to answer FAQs/misconceptions:

• I'm her mom, not her dad.
• She told me what he said because she was bragging on him and thought it was a positive thing for him to say.
• She wasn't drunk. She was flushed/tipsy from 2 glasses of wine.
• It did not come up in the context of "hey mom, I tried to fuck him and he said no;" it came up in the context of them talking about drunk sex in general.
• I do not have a problem with my 20-year-old daughter having 2 glasses of wine at her apartment with her boyfriend.

I am mortified by this, I learned about it this morning and I can't believe this is legal. This article published by the NY Times yesterday explains this in details. "In 2003, Dr. Silver-Isenstadt was co-author of a study titled “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. He surveyed 401 students at five Pennsylvania medical schools and found that 90 percent had performed pelvic exams on anesthetized patients."

I'm not sure about other countries, but I have a contact in Belgium who told me they had to do similar things, sometimes without consent, during their medical internship to become a doctor. As a student they felt terrible about it be were pressured into it by their mentor and had to oblige in fear of falling.

Please be safe girls...

Edit: here is a readable version of the article https://m.imgur.com/a/695wdCg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Been with four roommates for about six months, recently we all had a falling out with one of the roommates, lets call her Moana.

Moana recently listed her room up for subletting on a site without telling any of us, and I only happened across it the day after she posted by sheer luck. As far as I know, she hasn't contacted the landlord as her listing was looking for someone to pay the rent to her and she would send a check to the landlord every month from WA. She is looking for a roommate who will pay the rent but will also be difficult for us all to live with as 'revenge'. A mutual friend of us all is currently looking for an apartment and offered to take over her part of the lease through the proper channels, even help her get removed from the lease so she no longer has any responsibility to the apartment. Moana also listed the apartment for higher than shes paying but claimed this price included utilities (Which in the past we've shared), she also asked for the full security deposit. She also listed our shared living spaces as part of the deal, but all the new furniture and appliances was paid for by me or another roommate when we moved in.

We do not want to live with a stranger. Having all these strangers tramp through our beautiful shared living space is very stressful. Shes refusing to even let us help with or meet any of the people.

http://www.nyshcr.org/Rent/FactSheets/ (Look at Fact sheet #7)

This website says:

"Inform the owner of an intent to sublease by mailing a notice of such intent by certified mail, return receipt requested, no less than 30 days prior to the proposed subletting with: (a) term of sublease; (b) name of proposed subtenant; (c) business and home address of proposed subtenant; (d) tenant’s reason for subletting; (e) tenant’s address for term of sublease (f)written consent of any co-tenant or guarantor of the lease; (g) a copy of the tenant’s lease, where available, attached to a copy of the proposed sublease, acknowledged by the tenant and subtenant as being a true copy of the sublease;"

and

"The prime tenant may not demand “key money” or overcharge the subtenant. If the prime tenant overcharges the subtenant, the subtenant may file a "Tenant’s Complaint of Rent Overcharge and/or Excess Security Deposit" (DHCR Form RA-89). If the New York State Division of Housing and Community Renewal (DHCR) finds that the prime tenant has overcharged the subtenant, the prime tenant will be required to refund to the subtenant three times

I know that several issues here will invite controversy, forgive me.

TL;DR: I did some branded spec work at a previous job, and want to show it with a disclaimer of sorts to acknowledge that I don't represent the brand.

Background: The consultancy I used to work for often did some spec work when a client requested an RFP. I know that's bad practice per sidebar, but that's how they ran the shop. Funny, they're out of business now, karma wins the day...

The work was done without pay (from the client), contract, or NDA, so I feel ethically sound in even asking this question.

The spec work I did was good stuff, I'm proud of it and think it enhances my portfolio. Specifically, I'm trying to show good work that captures a real brand essence, while coping with real world constraints.

The Question: Since my portfolio is online, I feel like I should put a disclaimer that states that my work is not representative of the views/opinions of the brand, or something to that effect. That was how we did it coming from school, but that was student work and easy to classify.

What would you do?

Qualifier: Yes, I could re-do all of the work with my own original brand. That would lose the real-world connection, and require a whole new project from scratch, as the brand geometry is central to every sketch and form. Thoughts?

Thanks Reddit!

This happened a few months ago, but I still think about the night it happened. I still get so mad when I think about my friend. I don't want to hate her, but I do.

My friend wanted me to go on a double date with her boyfriend and his friend. I know him because we went to HS and I really wasn’t into him. We used to fight all the time, and I was shocked that he even wanted to go out with me. We had the biggest beef in highschool. But she begged me to go and I said yes.

His dad has two nice trucks with big ass trunks. We were supposed to sit in them with blankets/snacks.

This drive in movie theatre is so far out and not even in the city. It’s in this small town outside the city that I’ve never been to.

Like 15 minutes into the movie my friend and her BF are making out and guy tells them skrt. So they take the truck and drive out somewhere more private. I gave her a "look" that said "bitch wtf, don't leave" and she gave me a look that said "sorry, it's above me"

During the movie he tells me that his friend texted him. They left and weren’t coming back, she wanted me to know that.

Later, he moved in for a kiss and I curved him. I told him I just wanted my first kiss to be with someone special. He said he was special and I asked how. He said because he’s the one driving me home.

He unlocked the door and said I could leave if I wanted to, and he’d go home. Or we could do something else.

I recently broke my phone and I can’t afford to by a new one. There was no way I could call a friend, Uber or even find the nearest station. I asked him if he knew, but he said he didn’t.

It was late, dark and I had no clue where I was. We were so far out so there were no bus stops. I was scared and alone. So I kissed him and we were making out for a bit. Then he tried to take off my shirt. I stopped and told him he was pushing it. I didn’t want to do that.

He said “You don’t have to do anything you’re not cool with. But I don’t have to give you a ride home either”.

We just stood there and I realized that even though I didn’t want this, I was in the middle of nowhere.

So I did take off my shirt and he was feeling me up. I was letting him. Then a truck pulls up and it’s my friend/friends bf. I put my shirt back on but they knew what we did. They were making jokes, and cheering and shit. I just wanted to cry.

So he didn’t force me to do anything. Did I just hoe myself out for a ride? I never said no but I didn’t feel like I could.

I haven’t told anyone what happened. N

Something I’ve noticed as a recurring theme when certain people are discussing the intricacies of consent, is that the act of making sure the other person wants it is tedious, unsexy, or a mood-killer.

I tend to see the proverbial response of “what am I supposed to do, get a contract out and ask her to sign it? Record her consenting on tape? #MeToo has ruined everything” rant, when really, that mindset is ridiculous at best and hate-filled at worst, because millions - literally millions - of people are having consensual sex everyday, and it takes seconds to ask, in a way that suits the moment, if the person you’re fucking wants to fuck you.

Now, I’m not saying you have to request consent every single time you have sex (as long as it is implied). Nor am I saying the burden of consent should be placed squarely on men. There are certain situations where both parties are very clearly engaged and into it and in situations like those, consent is usually implied. For example, if a girl is ripping your clothes off and you’re doing the same to her, obviously, you have both consented. (Although if one party goes from that to laying there like a dead fish later on during the proceedings, a check-in may be required. See below)

There’s also a certain degree of implied consent in long-term relationships where you both know each other very well, etc (which doesn’t mean you should never check-in, just that you might have to check-in less often. Common sense is useful here)

Consent, or lack thereof, is generally needed to be given enthusiastically particularly during sexual encounters where you don’t know the person very well, or haven’t slept with them often before.

But in all situations where you have even the slightest doubt that this person is enjoying themselves, it’s common sense to pause and check in with them, no matter what stage you’re in, whether making out, during foreplay, or even during sex. A simple “you good?” or “how’s that feel?” or “you like that?” can lead to a discussion about how that might not be good, or that doesn’t feel great, actually, or that they don’t like that. There’s usually a clear difference between a person who seems excited about having sex with you and one who is not, and unless you have some sort of personality disorder which makes you unable to detect an active participant and a passive one, checking in on someone who is just laying there while you have your way with them is just basic decency, really.

(Then again, ev