Nova-cain
You rectify it.
It was pretty shitty.
Because there was no more rumen it
I also hate the dentist. Weeks went by and each day the pain was worse. My wife was also complaining how bad the smell of my farts were becoming. When I finally went to the dentist she informed me I had an abscessed tooth. Then it all made sense. Abscess makes the fart grow stronger.
Webto-Bismol
ACH...
...TUNG!
It was a Belchin Waffle
I thought to myself, “knot again!”
Explanation (since I guess I’m supposed to):
The knot in my muscle was the cause of my back pain. Knot/Not.
His body was aching all the time
“Don’t worry about it” his friend said, “it’ll be worth it in the long run”
She said she didn't remember.
I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!
She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.
Totally worth it.
They were brothers in arm.
Aleaf
It isnt mint to be swallowed.
He tossed me a little bottle of pills and said "take these, they're homeopathic pills for muscle pain. "
I told him, "Dad, I don't do homeopathic stuff."
Dad:"Well once you take these and feel better you can take a girl on a date."
Me:"What does that even mean?"
Dad:"That's called romeo-pathy"
Dear God this joke made the pain worse.
Me: Do you have any antacids? Dad: No, but I have some uncle-acids!
He was a little sword
Tell my roommate my face hurts because I probably fell off my bed at night. He responds, " did you fall off at tooth-thirty?!?"...
A fourth ache!
Told my daughter this one earlier.
"REALLY DAD?!"
It was a big mist-ache
Because it might peek-ach-you
Bill Johnson called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I cannot come work today, I am really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my leg hurts, I cannot come work."
The boss says: "Bill I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Bill calls again: "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. By the way you got nice house.
Because it gives them a Brach-ache-and-a-saurass.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Dad: "Knock knock"
Son:"Whos there?"
Dad snickering softly: ach-
Son visibly confused: ach-who?
(Dad continues to start laughing while his son roles his eyes )
This condition is caused by inflammation of the plantar fascia along the bottom of your foot, and it can cause pretty intense heel pain.
After I got home from work last night I tried to soak my foot in some hot water. My wife saw me and said, "That isn't going to work..."
I said, "Hey! I am allowed to have my ache and heat it, too!"
She just stared at me for a moment, shook her head, and walked out of the room...
1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
Credit to my economics professor
- The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger."
The owner replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"
The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny."
To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"
"No son, I want this color."
"But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.
By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.
The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"
The doctor said “quit your belly aching”
A cupc-ache
Ho Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." His boss says, You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you, I go to my wife and ask her for sex, that makes everything better and I go to work. Try it." Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and feel great, I be at work soon. You have a nice house too"
