I just swallowed a stack of Scrabble tiles by accident.
My next poop could spell disaster.
An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?
“Will my son able to speak again?”
I am a butcher by trade & yesterday I accidently backed into the meat grinder
I got a little behind in my work
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
My friend had the left side of his body ripped off in an accident.
But the doctor said he’ll be all right.
Old Jed Clampett (Beverly Hillbillies) got in an accident that left him with a glass eye. It was uncomfortable to sleep in over night so he took it out and hired a servant to watch it.
It was his Jed Eye Master.
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
What’s it called when you tickle a man to death by accident?
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peak-a-boo accident?
My daughter had a horrible peak-a-boo accident
I just read most auto accidents occur within 3 miles from home.
Black Betty had a car accident
There was an accident at the coal mine
Nothing too serious, just some miner damage
Did you hear of the poor chap who lost his Right buttocks in an accident?
All his best days are now left behind.
I answered the door today and a police officer said "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a car accident."
I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
A truck carrying French cheese was in a terrible accident.
There was de brie everywhere!
A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.
The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"
His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"
I accidently dropped grandma's ashes into my fog machine.
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
I had an industrial accident last week.
I fell into an upholstery machine, but I'm fully recovered now.
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so he’d have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.
Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now
When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.
I phoned the accident helpline...
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
Kenny Rodgers ended up in a wheelchair after an accident. While rolling down the side walk, he lost a wheel.
He sung: you picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel.
Did you hear about the proctologist who had a car accident?
I can't believe I just got fired from the calendar factory...
All I did was take a day off.
I apologise if this isn't allowed.
New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.
“There’s Bean an Accident” — Tee Shirt I Designed
I had a friend who lost a toe in an accident.
We aren't friends any more, I'm extremely lack toes intolerant.
Frank: ...girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane Spencer:
Goodyear?
Frank:
No, the worst.
(Courtesy of Naked Gun)
Snoop Dogg met with an Accident.What did he break.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Did you guys hear about the guy in that horrible car accident? Lost his left leg and left arm
Don’t worry, he’s all right now.
After Ahab injured himself in a fishing accident, his friends sent these.
My son got hurt in a peek-a-boo accident
My 7 year old brother lost his left arm in an accident
Dont worry, he's all 'right' now
If I ever lose my leg in an accident, don’t think I’m lining up a proposal
I’m just always down on one knee
Someone recently came back from surgery after an accident with their eye. They got a new eye and a mechanical cover that can shine light while covering the eye
The doctors called it eyeLEDs
I've just accidently superglued a steering wheel to my testicles
It's driving me nuts.....
Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peek-A-Boo accident?
Not mine: Where do you take someone injured in a Peek-a-Boo accident?
Where do you take someone who has been the victim of a Peek-a-boo accident?
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”
It was no fun when I sprained my neck in a car accident a few months ago.
But now I can look back and laugh.
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