A list of puns related to "Ya Kid K"
Kid said, βOh yaβ¦..Just you wait.β
My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...
"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."
"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."
"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"
"The tattoo guy?"
"Biblically."
"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."
"He was the best man at my wedding."
"I think I owe him $20."
"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"
"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"
"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"
So I'm visiting home in Chicago, and my father took my daughter and I to the zoo. We're at the lion habitat and my dad says to my daughter:
"Hey, you know what that lion is doing? He's just lion around!"
And not 2 seconds later I hear another dad tell his kids:
"Hey! The lion just jumped! Haha no, I'm lion."
Immediately after another dad to his kids:
"You know you can't trust lions, because they're always lion to ya!"
Please send help
So my dad's name is Jay and my mom's name is Kay. The first time they were introduced, it was obvious their names were destined for dad joke immortality:
Mom's friend: Jay, this is my friend Kay! I thought you two should meet!
Mom: Hi.
Dad: Ya know, if we get married and have kids... we could name them Ellie, Emmie, and Opie. We could eat alphabet cereal for breakfast and alphabet soup for dinner! :) ;)
Mom: ..... uh..
30 years later and they did get married, and did get their "Emmie"! (my sister's name is Emily)
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
I was filling flowerbeds at work-a sport center and gym- with my dad(one of the owners), the groundskeeper- a father himself(lets call him GK), his son, and another co-worker.
two brothers, both in their late teens come out of the gym and wait for their dad to come pick them up. My dad sees them and asks if they want to help with the mulch- "its a free second workout!" A little later, GK says "Hey guys, you two should help with the mulch. We won't pay ya, but it'll help build up your muscles!". After the second time, you could hear the kids groan across the parking lot.
Aaand in come the brothers' father to pick them up. "Hey, look- they're mulching. you should help them. you two need to work on your biceps."
Three variants of the same dad joke in a matter of 15 minutes.
I was at a playground in our new town with the wife and kid. Wife is chatting with another mom. Wife tells her we just moved here. Other mom asks "what brought ya'll here." I respond "a car" and cackle like a mad man.
Whenever the kids on our block are out playing, my dad stops the car, rolls down the window, and says:
"Hey, they're looking for ya.."
pondering pause
"Who..?"
"The squirrels they think your nuts!"
Everytime I went over to my friends house as a kid, when I walk in the house his Dad was always there to greet me first and ask "what's up?" and I always responded with something simple like "nothing". Everytime I responded saying "nothing", the bastard responded with "didn't ask what ya knew!" He did this to me so much that I was scared to go over to my friends house because I knew he'd ask the question, I'd get nervous, say "nothing" and him make me look like a fool again. Maybe this is why I don't trust anybody..
He was brushing her hair and she said "Dad there is a kid in my grade with same size feet as you." He replied with "Ya so do I."
Dad: You kids ever had a donut from this place?
Us: No?
Dad says, "well I've got one right here for ya" and proceeds to playfully punch us in the arm while saying "hurts, don't it"?
Me: sorry I couldn't meet up earlier. I was catching lunch.
Him: that's alright. I just hope you caught it! Lunches can be quite slippery ya know.
We then both proceeded to burst into laughter while his kids and my girlfriend facepalmed.
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