What do lawyers wear to work?
My Wife says to me this morning. Our new neighbor kisses his wife every day when he leaves for work, why don't you do that..?!!
..because I hardly know her.
I will never hire another duck to do work at my house
Why do birds sing in the morning?Because they don't have to go to work.
I had to do some yard work that involved digging and pavers and landscape blocks so after all these years of refusing to I finally broke down and bought a certain tool for packing down dirt….
…I just had to stop being tamper resistant.
The wife and kids went to my in-laws for a cookout, I stayed home to work on a few projects. She sent a text, "do you want me to bring home some brats?"
I responded, "is there an option to leave them all there?"
The first thing I do when I'm at work is to hide
Because good staff is hard to find today
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually
I took me 20 minutes just to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
Why do roofers have to be careful of harassment at work?
Cause they’re always getting felt up!
What was the sad teenager listening to while they were forced to do yard work?
Where do astronauts go to unwind after a hard day's work?
Why do pizza makers go to work everyday?
What do you call a dentist that donates his work to charity?
What do you call an Arby's cook who leaves to work for McDonald's?
What do lawyers wear to work everyday?
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
What do you call it when a transgender interpreter is late to work?
Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?
What do taxidermists use when they have a parrot to work with?
Why do nurses always bring red crayons to work?
In case they need to draw blood
What do Santa's Elves listen to while they work?
I asked my skydiving instructor what I should do if my parachute doesn't work. He said when it comes to that, we'll figure it out on the fly.
Do you think that Terry Pegula's kids ever get tired of him saying, as he's headed out the door to work ...
"Time to go pay the Bills."?
A miner was on their way to work in their new car, when a police officer stops them and asks: "where are you going, where do you work, and who's car is this?"
Even in places where grocery workers are allowed to unionize people who do bagging work have no say on what goes into each new contract.
Baggers can't be choosers after all.
Coworker dressed as Chewbacca: "This costume is too hot to work in, I'll never do that again"
Its ok it was a wookie mistake
"Dad, I really want to work in the moisturizer industry, what should I do?"
"The best advice I can give you is to apply daily."
How do the monsters that hide beneath bridges get to work?...
...They ride the Troll-ey.
What does Santa do to work off all of the cookies and milk he gets for Christmas?
I've decided to do volunteer work with an organization that builds homes for sea creatures.
It's called habitat for huge manatees.
When you’re like Kepler and your boss wants you to do his work without giving you all of the info
Why do most IT people remote in to work?
Because it usually is a HARD DRIVE! haha.jpg
Just wanted to remind everyone of all the hard work the significant others of superheroes do. They deal with so much, have to be in their shadow, yet still stand by them...
They really are fucking heroes
What kind of clothing do lawyers wear to work?
What do lawyers wear to work?
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
What do Santa’s elves listen to ask they work?
What do Lawyers wear to work?
What do lawyers wear to work every day?
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