What do you call a snake that works for the government?
What do you call a prostitute that works the crows nest on a pirate ship?
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?
Do you know why table cloths are the work of the devil?
Because they are made of satin
Ba-dum-tssss
Chinese restaurants do not get enough appreciation for all the work that they do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to teach a chicken how to fry?
I work with a small town search and rescue. We recently had a guy visiting from the big city to do some kayaking on the river.
He doesn't know the area and gets himself lost. All he does know is that there are a lot of grizzly bears roaming around during the salmon spawn this time of year, so he's quite afraid to get out of his kayak.
The temperature starts to drop. He needs to stay warm, and decides to build a fire inside his little boat on the river.
He learnt a valuable lesson that night: you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
How do you know the work week will get even crazier after Monday and Tuesday?
Because all that's left is WTF.
Wife (we both live in the US): I have to make sure my work phone is on do not disturb mode before bed so I don’t get email notifications from co-workers in our office in Europe.
Me: Sure, because when they send email, they don’t care if you’re up.
Do you think that Terry Pegula's kids ever get tired of him saying, as he's headed out the door to work ...
"Time to go pay the Bills."?
After all the hard work i put in, It's the least you can do
I asked my skydiving instructor what I should do if my parachute doesn't work. He said when it comes to that, we'll figure it out on the fly.
I told the doctor at the ER that I could do my own stitch work.
He replied “Okay, suture self”
How do the monsters that hide beneath bridges get to work?...
...They ride the Troll-ey.
Where do fishes work???.....in the Offish (*1 pity upvote)
What does Santa do to work off all of the cookies and milk he gets for Christmas?
What do you call a man that works for the police but also sits at a desk?
What do you call the set of instructions that makes the internet work?
"Dad, I really want to work in the moisturizer industry, what should I do?"
"The best advice I can give you is to apply daily."
Just wanted to remind everyone of all the hard work the significant others of superheroes do. They deal with so much, have to be in their shadow, yet still stand by them...
They really are fucking heroes
When you’re like Kepler and your boss wants you to do his work without giving you all of the info
I procrastinated and now have to do all the work for my Middle English literature class in a couple days...
Hey, do you know anyone who works at the church?
What do you call a prostitue that only works for law enforcement branches of the government?
Every year at work they make us do a Sexual Harassment training, and I don't see what the big deal is...
Harassment nothing to me.
I'm under alot of pressure at work. Just trying to gauge water do next. Luckily there's plenty more jobs in the pipeline...
i.reddituploads.com/c9b53…
Do you take the train to work?
No way, the train takes me.
I Work in a pediatric hospital and today the doctor asked a young boy "Do you eat at breakfast, lunch, and dinner?"
The young boy turned to the doctor and said "No. I eat at school and when I'm at home."
He's going to make a great Dad someday!
What do Amtrack conductors have to do before they can work on the job?
One of the upper managers said "I do a lot of work in spreadsheets"
I responded "Would you say you excel at it?"
The collective groan of everyone else during the training session made it all worth it
I called my wife on the way to work, I said when I get home, I want you to do something freaky to me. You know what she said?
I do live food prep and cooking at work, and a customer laid this one on the waitress.
She said, "Sir, would you like me to box the rest of your meal for you?".
"Why, yes you can box it. Personally, I've always enjoyed wrestling more".
What do you call a priest who works at the Krusty Krab?
My work colleague just got me... How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
What do you call two friends who both work with the Union?
My accounting professor asked us "Do you know where the smartest people in America work?"
"At the U.S. mint because all they do all day is make cents"
....what a knee slapper
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
What do you call a snake that works in the government?
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
What do you call a snake that works for the gov’t?
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